A Sunlit Day

2011-12-17T21:50:00.001-08:00

sooooo bored, but I don't feel like sleeping or doing anything of real importance.
hmph.

2011-12-14T19:48:00.000-08:00

):
something better will come along.
and besides,
I'm going to be in college a year from now.

2011-12-13T18:01:00.001-08:00

I think that was the closest thing to closure that I'm going to get.
I think you were honest. I really want to believe that you were honest. And I do believe it. I could hear it in your voice.
Your sweet, deep, perfect voice that I'm going to miss hearing more than anything else.
The voice that made any of my days better. The voice that told me I was perfect for you, that you loved me.
The voice that told me you loved me after you took my virginity. That piece of me that meant so much, that I was saving for the perfect one. I'm happy it rests with you.
That moment really was all I could have ever asked for. Everything happens for a reason, and it was supposed to be you. It felt so right, and it still does.
So thank you, I'm sorry you feel the way you do, and I wish you all the best.

well.

2011-12-13T17:21:00.000-08:00

He no longer has feelings for me.
Which makes me question if there were any real feelings to begin with. Was it all just bullshit? What was the point of it, if thats what it was?
I think that he's gone back to her.
But who knows.
I just need closure or its going to take me a very long time to truly get over this.
I will be fine no matter what, and I'll mostly get over it. But until I hear from him the real reason behind it all, it will always be in the back of my mind.

merrrrr

2011-12-12T13:06:00.000-08:00

No longer upset with him, now I just hate myself. Why did I have to freak out and worry and make myself look like a fool/crazy obsessive bitch?
Shit.
Now everything is going to be messed up.
I just want to see him over break. I hope he wants to see me too......
):

I hate this

2011-12-11T09:26:00.000-08:00

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
All of this is my fault.
Why do I do this to myself?
I'm miserable.

these are my insecurities in full bloom.

2011-12-11T09:01:00.001-08:00

How could I not be upset?
You kind of disappeared on me, yet expected me to be fine with it.
I'm sorry, but no, I am not fine with it.
Yes, I understand how ridiculously busy you are and how stressed out you are. Yes, I understand that you've got your own issues. Yes, I understand that you're not leaving me.
But no, I do not understand how you have time to update Facebook but don't have time to text me a simple hello. A hello is all I'm looking for. But now you've stopped with the cute names, haven't said 'I love you', and have said little more than a few sentences to me in the past two weeks. All of this after everything that happened that night.
You cannot expect me to take this lightly, and if you do, I have a problem with that. However, I think its more that you just don't understand my point of view. Or maybe you do? I don't know anything anymore.
All I know is that I've never felt like this before. My thoughts have never been completely consumed with just one person's name before. I've never been so determined to keep someone in my life. There is only one other person in my life that I love everything about, and being compared to them is saying something.
I need to find the words so that I can explain myself, and I need you to give me the time.

2011-09-30T14:52:00.001-07:00

ohhh hey!

I miss you, blogger, because no one knows about you. I love tumblr, but its a little too well-read if you know what I mean.
you're my place to vent secretly. <3

well hello there

2011-08-20T08:34:00.001-07:00

It has been a very long time since I've been on here. I recently got an iphone and for some reason there is no blogger app! ): wahhhh.

This summer has been pretty relaxed. Not much has gone on but nontheless it was amazing. I spent time with all the people that I love and thats all that matters.

Things are changing pretty quickly though. My best friend left for college today, I start my senior year in a couple of weeks, and I have about 6 colleges to go and visit so far. Its that time when I have a lot of important decisions to make and its kind of stressful but still exciting. I'm so ready for school to start its ridiculous.

17

2011-05-18T14:59:00.000-07:00

Today is my 17th birthday (:
yayyyyy!

2011-05-06T18:29:00.000-07:00

Ohhhh nooooo, I'm taking the SAT in the morning ): I'm nervous.

I've recently discovered tumblr, follow me or something. asunlitday.tumblr.com

Right now I want to go to bed, but I dont. I guess I could use some sleep. These last couple weeks have been so fucking busy, its ridiculous.

This month in general is going to be pretty busy, or just slightly cluttered with important things. Like, for example, tomorrow the SAT. Then its my 17th birthday(YAY), then prom, and then I take my road test.
I'm so nervous for that. I want my license sooo badly. I really hope I dont fail....

weird

2011-05-01T19:10:00.000-07:00

I'm in a weird place. I don't really know how to describe it so I guess I wont.

I just want time to stop, or at least pause.

Gone

2011-04-24T09:39:00.000-07:00

So, I went ahead and did it; I chopped off the majority of my hair, and I absolutely love it.

oh, and happy Easter! (:

Spring Break

2011-04-19T12:18:00.000-07:00

So its spring break. yayyyy? noooooooooo.
I have strep throat ): wahhhhhhhhhhhh! it sucks.
I'm stuck home with my mom (who can be more than a little annoying) with nothing to do but look at college websites and try to decide my future.

My brain still hurts, as well as my throat. Blah.

The good news is that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 came out on DVD the other day. YAY :D I guess that makes up for everything.

On Thursday I'm getting my hair cut and I'm trying to decide if I want to keep it long or cut a few inches off. A lot of its dead and gross, so I'm going to have to cut quite a bit off anyway. So I figure, why not just chop it all off? have it just a little past my shoulders. That'd be nice for summer because it'd be easy and a lot lighter. But then again if I cut that much off before prom I'm worried that I wont be able to do a lot with it on prom.
I think this debate is going to go on right up until Charles puts the scissors to my head.

Meh, I Dunno

2011-04-10T12:00:00.000-07:00

I'm slightly stressed out lately. Its about that time to start thinking about what colleges I want to visit and maybe apply to. Its about that time for me to take the SAT and ACT. Its about that time for me to take my road test for my license.

Its about that time for me to explode.

I wish I had something more positive to talk about. On this here blog and in real life. I feel like people are sick of me. I'm slightly negative, slightly boring, and slightly crazy. But I think once the summer gets here I'll be better. Or once I get my license. Part of my problem is that I need to get out and drive myself around, be away from my parents. I'm not completely blaming them, but they're part of my problem.

Ugh.

2011-04-05T12:48:00.001-07:00

I really shouldnt be complaining, but sometimes I just cant help myself. But then again one of the main reason's I have a blog is so that I can bitch and complain and not annoy anyone.

I'm so stressed out, and its all my own fault, which is the worst part. I dont feel like doing anything. I just want to do nothing and get good grades on everything. I just want to go to college and live in the city and be alone. People annoy the shit out of me.

Right now I'm supposed to be writing my research paper for English. I just don't want to do it though. Its not like its difficult, but just the thought of putting any effort into anything sounds like way too much. I just want to sit.

lalalalalaaa

2011-03-15T18:39:00.000-07:00

Things are alright. No complaints.

I made my schedule for senior year today and I'm pretty content with it, minus the fact that I dont have room for AP Psycology. Thats a bummer, but I'll be ok. Maybe I'll take it in college. Ohhhhh, college. Thank God highschool is almost over.
I also made up all my gym classes and found out that I'm passing everything. Not as well as I'd like to, but I plan on making up for that next marking period. Now that I've talked to my guidance counceler at school I'm ready to start focusing on doing well. yes, I realize that I probably should have been doing that since the beginning of junior year, but for some odd reason I didnt. This is the only year I really havent been stressed out or worried or really concerned about doing all my work. Kind of screwed up. Whateverrrrrrr.

I'm sleeepy. G'night

bloggggging

2011-03-10T14:38:00.000-08:00

Well I actually did end up having that snow day. Wooooooo! I spent half of it shoveling, though. I found muscles in my back that I've never used before. It was quite an adventure that made me really grumpy.

I'm very grumpy lately. It takes the littlest thing to put me in a terrible mood. Actually, its a combination of all the little things that happen during my day. But then something that really shouldn't bother me will happen and I become a raging bitch that hates everyone and everything. Its kind of becoming a problem. I think people are starting to hate me for it. My realization of this just makes me even angrier. Its a vicious cycle.

blah

2011-03-06T18:39:00.000-08:00

I need to get my shit together. I'm kind of a mess. I want to go back to Italy where I just did whatever I wanted and looked at pretty things.

Its been snowing all day, a day after everything melts. Awesome? NO. Only if we get a snow day. But that probably wont happen

home sweet home...?

2011-02-26T07:02:00.001-08:00

Italy was amazing, but still a little chaotic. But for the most part it was the greatest experience of my life. I'm so happy I went and got to see everything that I did.

My favorite cities were Venice, Florence, and Pisa because I thought they were the most beautiful and we all had to most fun there.
I'm pretty sick of guided tours, but the free afternoons that we had were amazing. Even the long bus rides werent bad because the country-side is so beautiful. The grass is a different color and all the trees seem to grow sideways instead of up.

I dont even really know how to describe everything we did. So I dont think I will. but it was amazing and I would do it all again in a heart beat.

***************
Right now I'm still jetlagged and it sucks. I cant decide if I'm glad to be home or not either. I missed being home, but now that I am I wish I wasnt. I miss being on the go and now that I'm not I dont know what to do with myself.

Italy

2011-02-16T05:42:00.000-08:00

I'm leaving today :D I'm so excited and nervous but excited. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

downs and ups

2011-02-10T12:57:00.000-08:00

My life is so full of ups and downs lately. One day I'll be really angry and feeling shitty and the next I'll be fine and dandy. Its very confusing. I need to find a happy/content medium. Maybe going to Italy will do this for me? I hope so.

the time has come

2011-02-02T17:54:00.000-08:00

I'm going to Italy in 15 days. Thats insane. I can't believe it's almost time for me to go.
I cannot wait to leave everything behind for 9 days; its going to be amazing...hopefully.

its...pink?!

2011-01-22T20:47:00.000-08:00

Sooooo. I dyed streaks of my hair a purpley-pink color. Making that decision was really spur of the moment. Generally when I do something to my hair its a spontaneous decision that I dont spend much time thinking about. I like doing things whenever I feel like it. Sometimes I feel the need to randomly do something weird, just to add some interest. I get bored with my very boring and predictable life. Maybe next I'll get something pierced? Who knows.

2011-01-20T14:27:00.000-08:00

Just as long as I dont lose my collar bones,
then I can feel ok about myself.

I want to take pictures like I used to. Just go outside and snap away at everything. It was fun.

I like how people think that I dont care what people think of me. Because I actually do. About some things.

2011-01-08T16:49:00.000-08:00

fuck being sick ):
I just want to be able to breathe properly. Then I'd be alrightish.

2011-01-05T17:54:00.000-08:00

Why am I never quite good enough? People have a tendancy of bringing me in, raising me up and then dropping me. I should be used to it by now. But lets not talk about it, I rather keep everything bottled up and then let it all out in a rush, all at once.

I wish I was good at talking. Maybe then things would be better. People are so hard to to talk to though, I feel like they're judging me or like they dont care. So I keep silent.

fuck everyone. except karli.

200 :O

2011-01-04T15:14:00.000-08:00

This is my 200 post. Wow. Impressive? Sure.

So far 2011 has been pretty good. Nothing's different, I feel the same about everything, and I hope it stays just as nicely boring. I like boredom, its peaceful. I also like being alone; the silence is amazing.

so now its 2011

2011-01-01T10:56:00.001-08:00

Holy shit I cant believe another year has gone by. Did it go by fast, or was it just me?
I dont really have anything to complain about, overall it was generally decent. Some parts were strange though.
Shall we have an overview? I feel like I should because most people probably are. And I want to.
Well.

It started off pretty depressing, with the whole Irvin thing. I dont enjoy looking back on that whole chapter of my life, so thats that. I'm happy that was over by March. March 5, 2010 to be exact.
After that I felt sweet relief, did a musical and made a new best friend.
Then I broke my prom dates heart, turned 16, and went to New York City and had the best time of my life.
The summer was alright, I spent my days doing nothing of real importance. I hung out with old friends and those ones from school. Oh yeah, and I went to the Harry Potter theme park. Another one of those best times of my life. Then at the end of the summer I had a very strange yet awesome time with the boy I may or not be in love with. That was cool I guess.
Once school started it was all pretty boring, aside from that one time I went to a party and made out with those guys. and that really hot 14 year old on Halloween...haaaa.
I found that 11th grade really isnt that difficult. And I also found out that I'm lazy as fuck. I think thats partially Claire's fault. I spend some part of every day with her and I'm fine with that. We keep each other sane and I think we saved each other. If we hadnt become best friends I dont know where I'd be. Probably still secretly hating everyone.
and now its 2011. I'm going to Italy in a month. HECK YES. I'm so excited. and then I guess we'll just have to see (:

hmph. what now?

2010-12-29T19:38:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wanted something happen for a really long time, but then when it finally does happen, you wish that it hadn't? It didn't go at all how you expected, you didn't really enjoy it as much as you thought you would, and its just a big mess now?

Well. That happened to me. Of course. FUCK EVERYTHING.
Well. Not really. I think its kind of funny that it happened the way it did.

2010-12-25T19:00:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas (:
I got everything I wanted, and my family wasn't unbearably annoying. I think today was successful.

Christmas Eve

2010-12-24T15:42:00.000-08:00

Church makes me emotional, which is why I dont like going. It brings tears to my eyes that I cant explain. Strangely, though, I feel bad if I dont go on Christmas Eve and Easter. So tonight I got all dolled up and went to mass. Ergh. Glad I dont have to do that again until March..or April? whatever. A couple of months.

I'm so excited for tomorrow :D ...sort of. I just want my presents, but I dont want to spend time with my cousin and his son; they're annoying as fuck. Sorry, but this is my blog so I can say how I really feel. I wish I could just get my presents, give my parents their presents, and then just be done. I could do without all the eating, it just makes me feel fat.

Tuesday I have to go have Christmas with my unrelated family. I feel like they think I'm a spoiled bitch, so I dont like being around them either. We have nothing in common, nothing to talk about, and its just awkward while we're sitting there silently judging each other. I just like being with my 'grandma'; she's the sweetest, most adorable old lady, who I know truly loves me and my mom.

I feel like I should be watching a Christmas movie or something. Maybe I'll go do that, then wrap the gifts.

hmmmmph.

2010-12-21T17:15:00.000-08:00

I slightly miss being your friend, but I really dont miss all the drama, hurt feelings, and overall nonsense. Blah. Why do you have to miss me? Why do you have to talk to me? and make me miss how things once were? Why can't you just let it be? You move on and I move on. Why cant it be as simple as that? wahhhhhhhh.

On a lighter note, 4 days til Christmas :D

nevermind

2010-12-15T13:57:00.000-08:00

Now I'm excited for christmas, and break. I'm so sick of school. blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

blech. blah. ergh. roar.

2010-12-13T17:52:00.001-08:00

I hate being miserable for no reason. Not knowing why I'm constantly unhappy is considerably annoying, adding to my unpleasantness. Blech. Blah. Ergh. Roar.

I'm not even feeling very Christmassy either, which is kind of sad. I think it has to do with our lack of a proper tree. We have a decorated fruit tree, but its not the same as having a real Christmas tree that we've gone into the woods and cut down. My parents are getting on in years and my dads been sick, so getting and taking care of a tree really wouldn't work out.
Being practical sucks.

I just want to leave this place; Go to Italy and come back a little happier.

haaaa

2010-11-27T15:06:00.000-08:00

my life is quite entertaining. I enjoy living it

turkey day :D

2010-11-25T09:14:00.001-08:00

So today is Thanksgiving, the day everyone eats far past their stomach's capacity and everyone thinks about what they're thankful for.

oops?

2010-11-21T18:34:00.000-08:00

what the hell are you gonna do when I go to college?
my mother needs to worry less or she's going to give herself a heart attack.

Having Karli and Spencer come to my play made me realize how much I miss and love them. Seeing their faces made me so happy that it was kind of ridiculous <3

maybe tomorrow I'll fight the urge to wear sweatpants and wear a dress?

harrypotttterrrr

2010-11-20T11:23:00.000-08:00

Saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 1 at midnight (: (: (: it is by far the best movie yet. ahhhh (: I can't wait to see it again. and again. and again?

everything is pretty good. I have nothing to complain about for once. sweeet.

2010-11-16T16:47:00.000-08:00

let it go, this too shall pass.

:P

2010-11-02T16:49:00.000-07:00

well thats annoying. and who the hell does that? what? well at least I got some good candy. This year's Halloween was quite interesting. I dont feel like typing it all out for you, I'm sorry.

17 DAYS UNTIL HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS, PART 1 :D :D :D :D

I cannot wait. Omfg. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (:

bonjourrr (:

2010-10-29T12:46:00.000-07:00

yayyy Halloween! it is officially time to be fat for the winter.

ok...go?

2010-10-19T12:55:00.000-07:00

(: this bitch is seeing OK Go a week from today. heck yessssssssssssss

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2fpgpanZAw&feature=channel

recognizing defeat.

2010-10-15T18:09:00.000-07:00

I'm dropping AP U.S. History. I've failed the two tests we've had with a 63 and a 49, the workload is overwhelming, and its just not worth it. I don't want to be crazy and on the verge of tears everytime I look at a text book.
But quitting sucks. I feel like a complete failure. I wanted to take that class soooo bad. I know I could do it, but when I open up the book to start working I just don't want to. I guess thats a sign that I shouldn't? Yes, I think so.
So, alas, I move down to regular U.S. History where I will maintain my normal average of low 90s and become considerably less stressed. AND! I'll be able to take Health this year with claire, carley, AND rachel (: yay.

after all of this I'm in serious need of some Harry Potter time. those books make my brain feel better

(:

2010-10-11T18:13:00.000-07:00

Saturday went sooo well (:
and tomorrow I'm seeing Skillet :D so fucking excited.
the only downfall to this 4 day weekend is that I have a cold ):

2010-10-05T16:44:00.000-07:00

wellll that was cool?
hahah its whatever.

I hate school work. I have eight essays due in three days. awesomeeeeeee.

I'm excited for this weekend. I think I might possibly have another double date? Hopefully this one goes better. But I have a feeling double dates never go well so they're pretty pointless. Oh well. At least on I have a good chance of going to a crazy black light and vodka driven party :D

well now that's over...

2010-09-25T14:15:00.000-07:00

I'm over him. I see him and just miss being friends with him. That's all.

But now I'm confused by someone new. and someone old. Why is what your saying so hard to figure out? How do I know I can trust? Will I ever know the real motive? I wish I could. But maybe I don't want to. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss.
but he's just so fricken cute.

yessssssssssss :D

2010-09-20T12:24:00.000-07:00

I did better than I expected on my very first AP history test. There were 40 questions and I got 15 wrong. Yes, its a failing grade, but most people fail the first test. Yes, even the 'smart' kids. I was pretty happy with myself. But I'm going to do better next time. I just want to keep getting better and better. That probably wont happen, but still, there's always hope. Right?

My English class is making me realize that I am a terrible essay writer. I need to just stick to creative writing. I just don't understand how I can be so bad at one and so good at the other. It doesn't make sense to me at all :P

I wish I had time to read books other than the AP text book. I could really go for some Harry Potter at the moment. AH! speaking of Harry Potter! I'm wearing a Hogwarts hoodie today :D it makes me happy

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

2010-09-17T15:17:00.000-07:00

cast list came out this morning for drama. my character kisses his.
awesome?
nope.
not at all.

but it slightly is...ish?

eh. I don't even know how I feel about it, other than I have wanted to puke ever since I found out.
I still want to puke.
what if I puke right when we have to kiss? that would suck. for both of us.

I've already hurt the poor kid once, so I can't back out of this too. But I so wish I could.

2010-09-15T16:58:00.001-07:00

Right now I should be doing an essay for AP history. But I just don't feel like it. I read the chapter I was supposed to, I think that's enough for today.

FUCK EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE. seriously.
I have a headache. and cramps. and a staring problem. I can't stop myself from staring at him. He died his hair and I kind of love it, even though I make fun of it. To cover up the fact that I love it. and him. but he's just too weird. but he's not. uhhhhhhhgh.

and I'm sick of listening to other people who don't listen to me.

I got an 82 on my summer reading essay for english and cried. I hate PMS. it makes me crazy. as you can tell from reading this. it makes no sense. I make no sense.

I just need someone to listen to me other than my mother.

whaaaaaaaa????

2010-09-09T18:40:00.000-07:00

AP U.S. History will be the death of me. Over the past couple of days my teacher has been telling us all of the time restrictions, reading, and writing we'll have to put up with this year and its so overwhelming. Basically I'm going to be teaching myself everything. Awesome. I'm feeling a bit like Hermione Granger. I need a time turner to give myself more time to do it all. And to sleep. It's only been three days and I'm already exhausted.

On the bright side, I love my English teacher and what we're supposed to be doing this year. From most people I've heard that she's the best teacher in the school, so I'm pretty excited for her class every day. I have it last period so it gives me something to look forward to.

I have no classes with my two best friends ): it makes me really sad.

pooooooop

2010-09-04T19:13:00.000-07:00

I start my junior year of highschool this upcoming Tuesday. fml.

>:[

2010-08-30T10:33:00.000-07:00

Last night my best friend and I were supposed to go to a Justin Bieber concert at the state fair. But, of course, he's sick! So it got rescheduled to next Wednesday. That day I was supposed to go see a free show by Lady Antebellum, but the Justin Bieber concert is now at the same time. I'm so mad! Uhh! WTF! This would happen to me :P on a funnier side, Bieber caught his own fever x)

This week is going to be so busy, which sucks seeing as its my last week of summer vacation. I have to dogsit for most of the week, I have a dentist appointment, an eye appointment, I have to get my passport picture taken, I have my cousins wedding (rehersal, ceremony, and reception), and I have to finish a chapter (30 pages and 6 questions) of AP U.S. History and write a critical lens essay for Pride and Prejudice. sounds like so much fun, right? no. not at all.
I don't want junior year to start, its going to be hell.

2010-08-23T09:40:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I got my ear pierced (:
It's in a really random spot but I like it. I'm just slightly afraid that I either will look like a pirate or an elf. Or just stupid because I have a random spot on my ear pierced. At least my best friend got the same spot pierced on her ear. We'll either look cute or weird together! and thats what its all about, right?

(:

2010-08-21T15:19:00.000-07:00

Summer exhausts me, but in the best way possible. My sleeping schedule is completely fucked up and I am perfectly OK with that, mainly because its so worth it.
I love staying up late with my best friend. We can talk about nothing for hours and easily be entertained. That might possibly be a sign that we're rather dumb, but whatever; I dont care.

I now understand why Cologne by Ben Folds is called Cologne. Thanks Claire (:

Darwin Deez♥ his music makes me want to dance. I can't say that about a lot, seeing as I hate dancing

Urban Outfitters

2010-08-19T17:14:00.000-07:00

Today my mom and I got up bright and early to be one of the first to enter the new Urban Outfitters store downtown :D It was three floors of amazingness!
The first floor consists of womens clothes, bags, jewelry, and shoes; the second floor is mens clothes, backpacks, headphones, cameras, books on topics you wouldn't expect (think farts, rude parking signs, hipsters, and sex), and little trinkets that you can't find many other places (think a whole wall of mustache memorabilia, key coats in the shape of owls, and robot band-aids); the third floor was where they had a little niche for things on sale, houseware (think faux tree branches, paintings, journals, rugs, blankets, pillows, beanbagchairs, and books about cupcakes), shoes, and the fitting rooms. I think they were really clever about putting the fitting rooms on the third floor because to get to them you had to walk past all their other merchandise and in the end you cant resist picking up a few things on the way! I was very impressed. And in this one, opposed to the one I've been to in New York City, the music wasn't as loud and therefore you could hear yourself think and you didn't walk away with a headache.

back in the day...

2010-08-17T13:03:00.000-07:00

Back in the day this was me (: I was in 5th grade here and yes, I was a cheerleader. Not a very good one, but man did I try. I remember it being the coolest thing. Putting on that uniform was a rite of passage to being "cool". The only thing was that once I was old enough to join the team, all the "cool" people had already graduated and those that were left were just like me; not very good, a little chubby, and pretty lazy. But everyone on the team were best friends, so it was OK. And my mom was the coach so I didn't have to do much of anything (: hehe.

I found this picture and a bunch of other ones from elementary school when my mom brought home from work a disc of all the pictures she had stored on her computer there. They brought back a lot of memories, all of them good. I miss my friends from back then. Granted, I'm still best friends with my best friend from kindergarten, but I had other good friends too. Now we've all gone our separate ways and when we meet its just awkward. and sad.

awesome.

2010-08-16T15:23:00.001-07:00

I just love people.
The way they get totally sidetracked.
It's a flaw that is universal, yet never any less irksome.

Let me just say one thing, though.

Fuck you.

2010-08-12T14:11:00.000-07:00

For the rest of the summer and for the next school year I am promising myself that I will make an effort to look good every single day. I will do something with my hair, have a pretty outfit, and (reasonably) perfect makeup.
By doing this for myself I'm hoping that it might just make me feel a little better. What with the upcoming classes and extraciriculars that I'll be taking I'm going to be feeling pretty run-down all the time. If I have a good appearance on the outside, I'm thinking that it'll make the inside a little happier.

:D
Urban Outfitters is opening a store in my city on August 19th! It opens at 10 and I'll be waiting outside at 9:30. I'll have my mom's credit card handy, ready to spend far too much money on clothes that I don't really need. It's going to be great!

life's a beach?

2010-08-11T12:51:00.000-07:00

I'm very proud of myself, I went to the beach two days in a row and didn't get burned! Woooo! :D When I'm by myself I actually look a little tan...ish.

Tonight I'm going to a show at some little coffee house and I'm kind of excited. Not so much for the music, but for the coffee. I've been feeling very bored ALL THE TIME, so a little kick from some well-made coffee would be nice.

Has anyone else ever watched jpmetz on youtube???? she pretty much makes everyfrigginday better. :D http://www.youtube.com/user/jpmetz

But underneath all of this, I'm sad. and I don't even know how to explain why.

:O

2010-08-06T19:41:00.000-07:00

Being the huge Harry Potter nerd that I am, I regularly go on the site mugglenet.com to get my Potter fix. Today when I went on, what do a I see but a picture of Emma Watson, the actress who plays Hermione Granger, sporting a new pixie haircut! :O
I'm amazed! I'm surprised! I'm impressed!
It's not something I ever thought she would do, but I have to say that I like it a lot. I think you have to have the right face for a pixie cut, and she has it.

However, if I had to pick between her old hair and her new hair, I would go with the old. But thats only because I could never imagine Hermione with a pixie cut x)

pitterpatter

2010-08-05T18:13:00.000-07:00

I love when it rains. If I'm home alone I'll mute the TV or anything else that's making noise and listen to it pound on the roof. I'll close my eyes and forget everything else and feel a complete calm wash over me. The sound is at its best when its pouring out. If the rain drops aren't too big or if its really hot outside I'll go stand in it. The cool drops falling on my face and arms feels so wonderfully cold that I could stand there in that moment forever.
I did that today.

I'm glad people can't see my house or most of my driveway from the road in the summer or people driving by would probably think I'm a lunatic. I stand in the rain with my arms and face turned towards the sky, I take pictures of my garden, I pose with lawnchairs, and I appear to be cursing the heavens. When I have an urge to do something, I don't ignore it.

whaaaat? :O

2010-08-04T20:07:00.000-07:00

Tonight my friend and I went to go see Inception. In her words, it left me feeling mindfucked. It was crazy! Most of the time I didn't know what was going on but at the same time I didn't really care. I liked it.

did you know how fun those little kid mall cart things could be? Neither did I until tonight :D

time machine please?

2010-08-03T08:36:00.000-07:00

I really want to go back to the Harry Potter theme park ): I'm looking at pictures from my trip and I miss it. I was there a month ago exactly ): I can't believe its been that long already! It sort of feels like just yesterday...

I also would like to go back in time to the moment when I decided that I wanted to go to Italy instead of Germany with my school. One of my bestfriends is on the Germany trip right now and its making me want to be there soooo badly. But hopefully Italy will be just as amazing. But some aspects of it wont be, only because I'm only friends with a few people who are going. Oh well! Everything I'll be seeing in Italy will be better, I at least have confidence in that.

On my agenda for today is maybe fiddling with my new tripod? If I can get my lazy butt outside I plan on taking some pictures with it! wish me luck on getting up the energy! hahaa :P

Then later tonight my mom and I are going dress shopping. My cousin is getting married at the beginning of September and I'm going to do a reading during the ceremony so I need to find the perfect dress! such pressure! I haven't got a clue what to wear, but hopefully I'll find something suitable.
Hot Topic has also just released a new Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows shirt which sports Harry's picture with the label 'Undesirable No.1' and imma gonna get it! :D
http://www.hottopic.com/hottopic/WhatsNew/Apparel/Harry-Potter-Undesirable-No-1-TShirt-125324.jsp
^look at it!

:D

2010-07-30T18:21:00.000-07:00

Going to an all day concert festival tomorrow and I am beyond excited :D the lineup is A Wake, Nine Round, Honor Bright, Hail the Villain, New Politics, Crash Kings, Smile Empty Soul, ADTR, Halestorm, All That Remains, Ed K, Hollywood Undead, Avenged Sevenfold, Flyleaf, and Limp Bizkit.
I'm most excited about seeing Crash Kings, they're so fucking amazing! ah! :D

nashnashnashnashnashnashnashnashkatenash.

2010-07-28T12:52:00.001-07:00

I could listen to Kate Nash all day. In fact, I think I will.
Her lyrics speak to me. Its like she's talking to me through her songs and it makes me feel connected and like someone else thinks the way I do. It's a nice feeling.
I just listened to Don't You Want to Share the Guilt and its one of my favorites. My favorite quote from it is "Sometimes when I'm at a really noisy train station One of the ones with the big, fat trains like Kings Cross I feel like putting down my bags and shouting things out Because I've got something to say"

Some of my other favorites are Take Me to A Higher Plane, Mansion Song, Foundations, Birds, Merry Happy, Pickpocket, Caroline's a Victim, We Get On, Pumpkin Soup, and Kiss that Grrrl. Yes I know I have a lot (:

2010-07-26T11:58:00.000-07:00

ahhhhhh :P
summer is so boring but so great at the same time.
I keep going to bed and waking up late. I liked it at first but now I don't because I feel like when you wake up at noon your whole day is gone. I'm still in my pajammas as I write this at 3:30 in the afternoon. I feel disgusting. Ergh.

So last night I felt like a true fat ass when I found carmel all through my hair when I got home from my friends house. I had eaten a giant brownie covered in carmel and hot fudge. It was SO DELICIOUS. but I felt so fat. dear god. My unhealthy eating habits need to stop here. I'm determined to stay at or under my current weight.

aren't we the cutest? (: this is my best friend Karli. we've been best friends since kindergarten! :O
this picture was taken on one of our many walks around her neighborhood. I took it on my phone and it came out SO FRICKEN AWESOME! :D

taking pictures makes me happy. I want to start fiddling around with my new camera and tripod more often.

2010-07-23T21:54:00.000-07:00

I love Harry Potter (: reading the books makes me genuinley happy, which I honestly cannot say about a lot of other things. Sadly. Oh well! I'll always have Harry Potter.

I really need a boyfriend. But then I want one that I actually like and who's reasonably attractive. I don't think its too much to ask. but whatever. I'm not too fussed about finding one.

So tomorrow (or technically later today) I'm going to a grad party and then going to my cousins house to get really drunk (: I'm excited. This sounds terrible and a lot of people are probably going to judge me but I love being drunk. When I'm sober I'm really shy and awkward but when I'm drunk I open up and don't feel awkward at all. Its just nice to not care what people think of you for a little bit. It's kind of an escape? Whatever you want to call it, I like it.

WTF?! haaaa. weird.

2010-07-19T12:45:00.000-07:00

So yesterday was one of the weirdest days of my life. It started off pretty normal, I went to the Nationals car show at the local fair grounds with my parents and really good friend Spencer and we had a lot of fun. Those cars are amazing! I wish they made them just as cool now.
After we got dinner and went back to my house, me and Spencer decided to go up in the woods behind my house and wander for a while. There's around 12 acres up behind and around my house so it's fairly easy to get lost for a couple of hours, which of course we did, and in 90 degree weather. Luckily there's a stream that runs really close to my house and we ran into it eventually, but quite a ways up from my house. By this time we were hot and sweaty and the water in the stream was so appealingly cold. We stood there awkwardly for a few minutes deciding what to do. Did we want to take all our clothes off and go for a swim or just put our feet it? Did we want to go back to my house and sit in the air conditioning?
However, before I'd decided anything, Spencer was stripping off all his clothes and getting into the shallow water completely naked. Its not the first time I've seen it all out but it was just so bizarre, you know? Then he was just looking at me like "well?" I didn't know how to begin to respond to that! I was a little lost. But then I just said fuck it, I've known this kid my whole life, what's the big deal? I ended up taking off everything but my bra, sitting next to him in my stream on a bunch of rocks, surprisingly not caring that he could see everything. And he said he didn't care either. I think he might be a nudist one day. I have to say that it was actually kind of fun, but in the weirdest way possible. I'm glad that I have someone that I'm that comfortable around.
I think we sat in the water for around an hour, just sitting. We didn't say much, but it wasn't awkward. And I know you're all thinking "yeah ok, sure", but it really wasn't! I swear. Sometimes its nice to just sit with someone.

Then once it started getting dark we got out of the water and walked back to my house (fully clothed). Out of the woods it wasn't that dark, so we climbed up onto the roof of my garage and layed there, staring at the sky. We used to do that when we were little, too. We entertained ourselves by finding shapes in the clouds and agreeing that sitting naked in a stream was the weirdest thing we'd ever done, but that we wouldn't mind doing it again.

I like having these kinds of weird experiences because without them life would be so boring. Don't you think?

and please don't think I'm some weird nudist who walks around naked all the time. or that I'm a whore. we're best friends and always have been. I promise that I'm mostly normalish.

just sleep

2010-07-17T16:49:00.000-07:00

Today was my cousin's bridal shower and thankfully everyone had a lot of fun. I just didn't like that I had to wake up at 9 and help go get food :P I got lost in a giant grocery store! How does that happen?! I would manage to do that though haha oh well.
Everything was delicious. Especially the cake x) I love cake. So yummy.
Her friends were really cool too. One of them lives in Brooklyn and she was really interesting to talk to. She was one of those people that could find something to talk to with anyone and who was instantly your friend. I liked her. Then the rest of them were really loud and funny and really didn't give a shit what you thought about them. I love people like that.
Then the rest of my family is always entertaining. Mostly because they swear like truckers, chain smoke, are going deaf, and they love each other.
I love my cousin and her fiance. They're just the cutest thing because you can tell that they're in love.
Being around them all day made me a lot happier than I've been and I'm thankful for that. I need to stop being sad about stupid things that I can't take back. I need to just take a deep breath and go to sleep. I need to have a night where I sleep well. I haven't had one of those in a while.

cool.

2010-07-16T13:55:00.000-07:00

So it was really cool seeing my ex-boyfriend at the beach yesterday. Not. God it was the most fucking awkward thing. Especially because we were in the water and you can't really walk fast when your in a lake. So I slowly made my way by him and awkwardly waved, hating my life in that moment. I would fucking see him. Funnily enough I'd been thinking about him the day before I saw him. Just thinking how much I hate myself for dating him, how stupid it was, seeing that I was never attracted to him. I just wanted a fucking boyfriend. Never again. Urgh. He is the stupidest mistake I've ever made. At least I learned from it. Is that the little bright spot in the mess that is him and I? I'm pretty sure it is.
Then later that day we were at the local field days (which I hate going to, but my friends live right down the street and they dragged me against my will) and I saw my old best friend from 7th grade, who hates me. It's pretty understandable why she hates me though. We won't get into how much of a bitch I am. Lets just say that I said some pretty mean things, but so did she. Whatever. She looks anorexic and her hair is too poofy for the rest of her. Her boyfriend also appears to have herpes on his mouth. I laughed. She gave me a dirty look (that I deserve). I feel bad for her. And I miss being friends with her because despite her creepy/oddness she's really cool.

Oh, then to top off my whole day when I showered that night I saw how burned my entire back and shoulders are. And the tip of my nose. I look like a mix of a lobster and Rudolph. cute right? no.

I know I'm just having a few days were I'm miserable. I know things will probably be a lot better next week. Hopefully even this weekend? My cousins bridal shower is tomorrow and then on Sunday I'm going to the Nationals with my parents and friend Spencer. We went last year and had a lot of fun so hopefully we will again. I tend to always have fun with Spencer though. Just because I have a sneeking suspicion that I secretly love him. ? idfk.

its that time again!

2010-07-14T21:13:00.000-07:00

Time for me to talk in circles again. It's 12:15 AM.
What shall I ramble about tonight?
Tonight I went to the mall with two of my good friends from school and it was great (: We laughed, tipped with sillybandz, and made general chaos (mostly in the form of dancing).
I love my friends. Well, most of them.

But then some days I really don't want to hang out with any of them. Is that weird? Sometimes they annoy the shit out of me or I just like being alone. When I'm alone I am free to zone out into my own little world, I don't have to pretend to care about whatever they're talking about, I can do whatever the fuck I feel like doing, and I can just be me. I don't really feel comfortable just being myself around most of my friends, which is kind of sad I guess. Honestly I'm only completely comfortable around three of my friends. Which to some may be a lot. Who knows. I don't. And I don't really care either. I've pretty much stopped caring about my friends petty dramas. I don't give a fuck about all the guys they talk to. I don't give a fuck about the stupid things they do. I don't give a fuck about their other friends. A lot of the times I just feel like telling them to shut up. I like being alone. I am a loner, and I am perfectly fine with that.

whaaaa? hm. think about it.

2010-07-13T20:07:00.000-07:00

What if gravity didn't exist?
I wouldn't want it to not exist completely, just because I'm scared of heights. And space doesn't have oxygen x(
But I suppose if your born into a world without it you wouldn't miss it. I think it'd be awesome, to an extent. After a while I'd probably get curious as to what it was like to stand on the ground. But then again right now I'm curious as to what it would be like to not have gravity. I'm talking in circles. I'm tired.

Summer bores me. It's far too hot to really do anything outdoors but indoors gets old after a while. There's only so many days that one can sit and watch TV or peek into others lives on facebook.

I need to get out.

2010-07-10T16:32:00.000-07:00

Today I went to the wedding of the daughter of one of my mom's really good friends, and she also used to be my camp councelor way back in the day (her camp name was Blueberry). She's a lovely mix of hippie, good-natured, sarcastic, and sweet. Her new husband seemed very awkward and adorable, or in other words, perfect for her.
She was married on her mothers front steps here in our small little village and it was the perfect day for it. The sun was shining, there was a light breeze, it wasn't too hot, and all the flowers are in bloom. The only demise was that cars kept driving by, making it so that if you weren't standing right next to the minister you really couldn't hear what he was saying. But I guess that didn't matter, because Blueberry and her husband were the only ones that needed to.
What really made me love her new husband is that he walked down the aisle to the Star Wars theme song x) I'm not personally a big fan, but anyone who does that is fucking awesome in my book. Blueberry walked to 'What a Wonderful World' by Louis Armstrong, which was adorable. Then together they walked away to 'You and I' by Ingrid Michaelson, which happens to be one of my favorite songs.
The reception was actually really fun, considering I didn't really know anyone there apart from a few of my moms friends. The food was delicious, the favors were cute, and the newlyweds were happy. It was the perfect way to spend a summer afternoon (:

your silhouette like some heavenly ghost...

2010-07-08T19:32:00.000-07:00

I couldn't stand to be in that place
I was just about to leave, when I saw your face
You were laughing at me with your beautiful mouth
You said, 'You're looking miserable, do you want to get out?'

When you're only 18
And you got nothing to lose
And your living a dream
With the sand in your shoes
Falling in love is easy
It's easy to do

We fell in love with the windows rolled down
Chasing the sunset through another empty town
Your hair was a mess when you would dance on the coast
Your silhouette, like some heavenly ghost

When you're only 18
And you got nothing to lose
And your living a dream
With the sand in your shoes
Falling in love is easy
It's easy to do

Summer skies and warm colored sunsets
And a sunrise sneaking through my blinds
My demise, I just can't help it
It's suicide, looking in your pale blue eyes

Falling in love is easy to do
With the wind in your hair and the sand in your shoes
And though it may hurt to have your heart broken in two
That didn't stop me from falling for you

When you're dancing on the beach where the water meets your feet
And a cool ocean breeze is fighting the heat
Falling in love is easy
It's easy to do
It's easy to do
Oh I'm falling for you

Sand in Your Shoes by This Providence, the accoustic version, is currently my absolute favorite song. The lyrics just make me happy (: they represent how a good summer should be.

:D yesssss.

2010-07-07T10:17:00.000-07:00

The trip was very successful, I am happy to declare. My earplugs saved the day on the flights, the Harry Potter theme park was AMAZING, and the heat did not kill me (or my mother).

Why does everyone say that airports are such a hassle? At my local one we got through really quick and the Orlando one was just as fast! The whole experience wasn't bad at all! Both airports have good food, clean bathrooms, friendly staff, and airconditioning.
Speaking of airconditioning, I really don't know what I would have done without it. I'm sorry to everyone who loves Florida weather, but I personally despise it. It's hellish there! So humid and hot! Yuck! But then of course because karma is a bitch I come home to weather thats even worse x(

Flying is terrifying and amazing at the same time. Terrifying because I don't even know how the hell I'm staying up in the air and amazing because I'm staying up in the air and the views are spectacular.

Whoever built the Harry Potter theme park, let me just say that I love you. With all my heart. You constructed Hogwarts and Hogsmeade to perfection. It was like stepping through the screen and into the movies. ♥ I was in Harry Potter heaven. Words cannot describe how happy I was :D

hmmmmmm. yes.

2010-06-30T09:37:00.000-07:00

Not so sad lately. I'm actually really excited for this weekend and my Harry Potter adventure. I'm going to see Hogwarts (and I don't even care that its not the real thing. close enough)!!!! I bought some new headphones that will go over my earplugs that will hopefully help with the air pressure. Lets cross our fingers, everyone together now. I hope you did for me (:
I have silly bandz. Please don't judge me. I like them. I wear a really fat cat and a seahorse, but I have a glow in the dark unicorn, a sparkly phoenix, a geenie, a glow in the dark mermaid, a sparkly dragon, and a bunch of other random ones. They make me feel like I'm 12 again, but in a good way? Who knows. Its summer. I really don't care.
(:
I'm seeing the Harry Potter theme park in two days.... :D not going to get over this fact. YESSSSSSS ahhh haha I'm so excited.

wooooooo! ...not.

2010-06-26T20:41:00.000-07:00

I should be really really happy. It's finally summer, we're getting a new bathroom, and I'm going to the Harry Potter theme park. All in one week. But I am not happy, at all.
I'm the kind of person that loves being home, sleeping in her own bed, and using her own bathroom. But starting this coming Monday I can't do any of that ): I have to go and stay with a couple of my friends because I need to bathe and use a normal toilet (we only have one bathroom at my house). Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and they have very nice beds and bathrooms, but I'm going to miss mine very dearly. Then on Thursday I get on a plane and fly to Florida with my mom. I HATE FLYING! AND I'M SICK! My ears are going to hurt sooooo bad. This happened the last time I flew and it completely ruined my whole trip ): I really dont want that to happen again because I doubt I'll go to the Harry Potter theme park more than this one time. Uhh. ):

):

2010-06-25T10:41:00.000-07:00

Dying your hair is never a good idea. Ever. I miss my natural hair color.
Although it bored me quite a bit at times, I wish I could get it back. I dyed it red mid-March (and loved it, but having roots was too annoying) and then this past weekend I tried to get back to my natural medium brown and ended up with a really dark brown that in some lights looks black. I'm far too pale for this dark hair and I hate it. It's really upsetting ): and then on top of all of this the texture of my hair will probably never be the same. It used to be silky and shiny all on its own and now its a tangled mess. Ergh.

summer ♥

2010-06-23T12:48:00.000-07:00

Summer vacation at last (:
I'm finally done with all my exams, all the stupid people, everything! I'm a junior now! :D woot!
the best part is that I did really well in everything.
Geometry: 83. this is actually really good for me seeing as I'm terrible at math.
Earth Science: 86. I AM SO SURPRISED! I am also very terrible at earth science.
German: 87. yessssssssssss :D
English: 95
Global: 95. :D I MADE IT INTO ADVANCED PLACEMENT US HISTORY ! yayyy
Studio Art: 98

yay me!

still overwhelmed.

2010-06-17T14:44:00.000-07:00

I kind of feel like I'm suffocating under all this stress.
Exams have been all week and thats definitely taking its toll because I want to get at least a 90 in all of them. I'm lying to my parents so I can go with a few of my friends and see Paper Tongues and Civil Twilight in concert at a not-so-nice venue. I have to go to my ex-best friends graduation party and I dont even think she likes me anymore and therefor it shall be a very awkward day indeed.

On a lighter note, I'm going to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter theme park in Universal Studios at the beginning of July (: I'M SO FUCKING EXCITED! I love Harry Potter with every fiber of my being. Despite my fear of heights and roller coasters I'm going to go on every single ride and I'm going to pretend that I'm part of the world I love so dearly. It's going to be a great 5 days. The only drawback is that we're flying there. The last time I flew it felt like my eardrums were going to explode. I bought special earplugs that will hopefully avoid that though. Wish me luck (:

Overwhelmed

2010-06-14T13:39:00.000-07:00

I just thought I'd let you know that I haven't dropped off the face of the Earth. I'm just so busy ALL the time. The last day of official school was last Friday, but all this week and Tuesday of next week I have finals/regents :P

I promise I'll tell you about all the exciting things in my life in my next post (: I need to vent/be excited.

Sometimes...

2010-05-13T15:18:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel underappreciated. Sometimes I feel like I just want to leave and find a far away land where no one knows who I am. Sometimes I like to not wear pants. Sometimes I like to eat only chocolate. Sometimes I feel like crying for no reason in particular. Sometimes I feel really happy because of the littlest things, and its great. Sometimes I come up with the most brilliant ideas, but then when I try and act on them they just disappear and I feel like a fool. Sometimes those ideas work out. Sometimes I like to paint on bread. Sometimes I want to walk into my woods and explore them. Sometimes I get really scared. Sometimes I feel like no one really likes me. Sometimes I run out of things to say.

I Feel the Need

2010-05-04T14:51:00.000-07:00

I feel the need to start writing again, to start reading Harry Potter again, to start taking pictures again, and to lose 20 pounds by summer. I'm quite looking forward to doing all of these things. I think I'll feel much better about life in general if I do them. Not that there's anything wrong with my life now, its actually quite good. I just can't express myself the way I used to, I dont get that connection with things the way I used to, and I dont really feel the way I used to.
I sort of blame these things on Irvin. I wish he'd never stepped into my life, that he'd never spoken to me, and that I hadn't been stupid enough to just date the first nice guy that was interested in me. I think he's the biggest mistake of my life, and since I've broken up with him I've just become closed off (secretly) and not myself. I miss me. I need to come back, from wherever I've gone.

hmmmmmmmmm?

2010-04-16T13:17:00.000-07:00

What does one do when the boy who asked them to prom is completely in love with them? But they don't like him as more than a really good friend? But possibly might like him like that if he dressed differently and got a better haircut? (And does that make them a bad person?)

I'm so confused.
But I'm excited for prom (: I'm going to look beautiful...I hope.

2010-03-31T13:36:00.000-07:00

I hate the feeling when you want something, but can't have it. Because then you just want it that much more. It pretty much sucks. Oh well. Life goes on!

On to New York City (:
I'm going there with my mom for my sweet 16 in May and am beyond excited. We've already booked our rooms (we're staying at the Affina, which is right across the street from Penn Station.) We're getting the train tickets Friday. How New York is that? Taking the train to the city. I cannot wait (:

On the getting a new camera (:
I probably wont decide what kind I'm getting until I'm looking at it in person, but I know that I'm either getting a Nikon or another Canon. Yayyy (:

and now on to rehersal (:

): R.I.P. camera. I will miss you ):

2010-03-18T15:02:00.000-07:00

Soooooo, guess who dropped their camera and broke the screen today? I did! Go me! I'M SO PISSED!!!!!! ergh. ): and of course, I wasn't supposed to be getting a new camera until Christmas. ): what am I going to do???

These are the last pictures that I took with my camera. Today started off as a really good day; I'm wearing one of my favorite dresses, it's an amazing 60 degrees out, some of our flowers are up, and I'm just generally happy. But on the way back into the house after shooting these, lazy me didn't feel like taking the camera off the top of the tri-pod and BOOM! it falls off and wrecks the screen. ):

New. Happy. (now put your hands up!)

2010-03-16T17:49:00.000-07:00

I've broken up with Irvin. He was pretty much a sucky boyfriend, to be honest. I'm so glad that I ended it because literally the more I saw him the less I liked him. So now I'm free to be all aloney on my owney (:
I never realized how much I like being single. I don't have to worry about pleasing anyone, I can hang out with whoever I want/whenever, and I don't have to worry about my parents freaking out if they ever found out.
I'm so happy that I broke up with him that I frequently have the urge to start singing "All the Single Ladies" by Beyonce :D hahaaaaa.

-skips off into the sunset. all aloney on her owney. and loving it.-

New York City. The City I Love and Belong In.

2010-02-25T16:59:00.001-08:00

Last Monday I went to the great city of New York for the very first time. Hearing all the stories about it made me fall in love before setting eyes on it for myself, but when I actually did see it, I was even more madly in love. I feel like I belong there. I don't know how to explain it, it's just a feeling. And what an amazing feeling it is.

Seeing as the whole trip was a "theatre" trip, we didn't really do anything that you would think you would do on your first time in NYC. We didn't see the Statue of Liberty, go on the subway, take a taxi, go on Wall St., or see the site of 9/11. But we did see 5th Ave, Times Square, Blue Man Group off Broadway, West Side Story on Broadway, the HighLine, pier 54, the MET, Central Park, Shakespeare in the Park, Chelsea Market, China Town (which I did not like, AT ALL.), the Meat-packing District, the Garment District, and we did lots of driving around and seeing all the neighborhoods. I wish that we'd seen most of the neighborhoods outside of the bus though.
All in all, it was a great trip that is actually kind of a blur. Pictures help though (: I took almost 800 in three days. Don't worry, I wont post them all...

the look on my face as I saw the skyline approaching

Wicked Dieting

2010-01-28T14:53:00.000-08:00

I've decided that I'm going on a diet. Not only do I want to look better, but I want to feel better and be more confident. The food that I usually eat (I eat a Quaker chewy granola bar for breakfast every morning, eat school pizza for lunch everyday, and usually have some sort of white pasta or chicken for dinner everynight) makes me feel really sluggish and gross, and I'm (literally) sick of it! I want to feel good on the inside and out! Now I just need to the willpower/willingness of my mom to buy the right food...

Whats been stopping me for so long about starting a diet and getting healthy is really not knowing what to eat. My idea of "healthy" is a an apple every once in a while and maybe some carrots thrown in with dinner. Not very healthy at all, I know. I really want to work on changing that an educating myself on whats best to eat. You're probably going to think its silly, but Glamour magazine has some really good tips on their website for healthy foods! I'm going to take their advice for every meal and snack. Over the past week I've made up a list of all the foods I think will be healthy, still taste good, and not be too overly expensive.

Breakfasts:
- Homemade oatmeal with cinnamon or instant oatmeal with apples and cinnamon
- A glass of orange(with vitamin C and D) or cranapple juice
- An apple or an orange

Lunches: (I'm going to start brining my own lunch)
- A turkey sandwich on whole grain bread with lettuce, a tomato slice, and mustard
- Garlic hummus on crackers
- Low sodium chicken noodle soup
- String cheese
- Strawberries, blueberries, and peaches

Dinners:
- Grilled, baked, or rotisery chicken
- Whole grain pasta (with whatever we would normally have with pasta)
- Scallop stirfry with lemon juice, veggies, and whole grain pasta
- Shrimp stirfry with lemon juice, veggies, and whole grain pasta

Snacks: (I usually have something small when I get home from school)
- Sliced apples with peanut butter
- A low fat granola bar
- Frozen yogurt
- Mixed nuts with sea salt
- Dark chocolate

I think all of this is do-able. Well, I hope so. I really want to stop feeling gross and start feeling and looking amazing! Wish me luck.

****************************************************************

Tomorrow night I'm seeing the Broadway musical Wicked! I'M BEYOND EXCITED! :D The cast is touring the country and performing in cities and, yay!, they're coming to my city! I know a lot of people that have already gone to see it and they say that it's spectacular. :D ! expect lots of pictures (especially of my outfit!)

Have a good weekend loves (:

Spring Fever

2010-01-23T17:18:00.000-08:00

I'm in a winter slump. I've gotten to that point in the season when yes, the snow is somewhat pretty, but I wish it would just go away and be replaced by the sweet flowers and green grass of Spring. I want to be able to wear flowy skirts and fun dresses without tights, transition from dark-wash jeans into a lighter pair, put the Uggs back into their box and slip into a pair of strappy sandals, and have no fear when wearing shoes without a lot of tread on them.
The Spring trends are another thing I'm really looking forward to. Basic white tee's, cool floral prints, pastel hues, fun ruffles, and so much more! Ahhhh, I cannot wait! :D

Do you ever have those certain things that you just become obsessed with? Lately I've had several! Take for example...
1) Vampire Weekend. LOVE THEIR MUSIC! It's so fun, odd, cool, different! As I type this Cousins is playing (:

2) Rose Salve. Moisturizes, smells amazing, and is a pretty color.

3) Curly hair. I haven't quite figured out how to wield a curling iron yet, but I'm working on it...

4) Facebook. Yes, I have taken up facebook stalking all of my 'friends' lol don't judge me! I get REALLY bored sometimes.

5) Art. Art class is my favorite class of the day! I love creating, seeing what other people create, and having the freedom to make anything I want. Like drying out slices of bread, splatter painting them, and them gluing them to yellow foam board in an Andy Warhol-esque fashion. x]

Last night I went to see The Lovely Bones with my friend Carley. We got to the mall a few hours before the movie started so we tried on a few prom dresses in Lord & Taylor. hahhaha

I really liked this movie, even though it was sad (and made me cry a few times). I liked the tones of everything, the acting (loooooove Stanley Tucci and Saoirse Ronan), the cute guy that played Susie's love interest, and the fact that Susie used a film camera (: However, I didn't like how Mr. Harvey ended up dieing! Could have been wayyy better. Oh well, everything can't be perfect.

always one foot on the ground

2010-01-08T14:12:00.000-08:00

I always have one foot on the ground. I never do anything all the way, I'm always too scared. Lately I've been doing A LOT of thinking and I've realized that my new years resolution is to do everything fully, to put my all into everything and to not be scared of what might or might not happen. What's your new years resolution or do you not make one? I'm hoping that I can keep this one up...

Not talking to Irivin 24/7 has given me a lot of time to go back to the way I used to be; very very very inverted, always thinking about something that has nothing to do with whats really going on. That's my way of escaping. I get lost in my own thoughts. Mainly I've been thinking of how pretty the snow is when it glitters in the sun, how I really want a new camera for my sweet 16 (along with my shopping trip to NYC), how with that camera I will start a 365 for my flickr, how beautiful everything thing is, that I really like odd names (Roman, Saoirse *pronounced SEER-sha*, Rowan, Lydia, Violet), that writing keeps me sane, and just a bunch of other completely random things.

I'm sick of winter. After Christmas it can just go away and spring can come out to play. But to my dismay, in upstate New York winter stays around til about the middle of March, maybe early April if we're really unlucky. :P I miss spring/summer clothes! I want to wear dresses without having to wear tights, I want to show off my pale/newly skinny legs! I want to stop having to wear my Uggs (yes, I have Uggs...I have the black pair and they are soooo warm and comfy so I dont really care that they're ugly as hell) everyday because the snow is way to deep to get away with just converse or flats.

I HAVE DISCOVERED A NEW BAND! :D Vampire Weekend! anyone heard of them??
I downloaded a couple of their songs and they are so good! I like how upbeat and fun they are...also the lyrics aren't too weird, but they still sort of are.
My favorites are Campus and Mansard Roof...go look them up! :D ♥

sadness, (literally) in a fog, and hope

2009-12-29T13:27:00.000-08:00

So my date never happened. It's such a long story that in a nutshell it is: My boyfriend is an illegal immigrant from St. Lucia (I've always known about this but I didn't think it would ever matter because he was in the process of getting his papers and such), on his way up from Florida to visit they did a random search of the Greyhound bus he was on and he got caught, he's now sitting in holding in Buffalo (New York), it's going to cost $5000 to get him out, his older brother is trying to get the money and a lawyer because my boyfriend didn't do anything wrong at all and has never broken the law or been in any sort of trouble in his whole life, and I AM FREAKING OUT!
He was supposed to arrive here on Christmas Eve and call me as soon as he stepped off the bus...that never happened. And he wasn't answering my calls or texts. So needless to say I was a little worried. Fastforward to Christmas...I can barely keep from crying and finally call his aunt and she tells me everything that happened. I cry even more because I feel like its my fault he's there; I'm the main reason he was coming up to New York to visit. But I know that I shouldn't blame myself for what happened and that getting upset about it wont change anything.
I finally got to talk to him yesterday though! He's only allowed to call one number(his brother, the one who's trying to get him out), so they called me on a 3way (pretty awkward lol). He sounded ok actually, he said that everything is going to be ok, and that he's going to call me again soon. I can't wait for that phonecall.

So until them I am trying to keep myself occupied.

Christmas went pretty well, I got almost everything I wanted (: Including some new red lipstick from Benefit! :D I love it!

Also on Christmas, my parents and I went to my aunts house for dinner. I know when I have a boyfriend that being asked for my number by a really hot guy shouldn't make me happy, but it really did...A LOT! No, he's not related to me at all lol but he's my cousin's boyfriends cousin. How complicated is that? But his name is Wajeeh and he's sooooooooo gorgeous. But so is Irvin(my boyfriend). But hey, everyone needs a compliment now and then (;

On Sunday I went to this really nice resort/casino thing not far from my house with my parents and we had a really nice lunch. We left at like 9:30 in the morning and when I walked out the door this is the sight that greeted me!

:D ♥ I adore weak morning light

Then yesterday I did absolutely nothing and it was great. It snowed a ton and it was so pretty that I had to take some pictures.

And today one of my bestfriends from school, Carley, came over for a bit. We ate cheese puffs, sat around and made silly videos, and just generally had fun.
Right now I'm listening to Coldplay, wondering if Irvin will be able to call me, and waiting for my annoying little cousin to get here :P

I love my phone

2009-12-24T14:30:00.000-08:00

As i type this i am on my semi-new enV touch cell phone :D Ive had it since october but today my dad agreed to letting me have unmlimited internet access on it...its amazing that a phone can do so much.

Tomorrow is Christmas!!! :D Im beyond excited. I cant wait to let my inner 5 year old out and wake up extra early, run downstairs to my presents, tear off all the wrappings and just make a huge mess...it really is great fun :) what are your favorite Christmas traditions??

On Saturday my boyfriend and I have a date :) its going to be so sweet and fun...i really do like him a lot. ♥

ranting

2009-12-19T16:32:00.000-08:00

I've been feeling really inspired lately to take pictures. Over the summer I took a lot but since school has started I really have only taken a few (that I dont even like). I love photography. It's just fun to go around and take pictures, and even more fun when they come out worth something.
Not having time to shoot is really disappointing. Whenever I have the time its either really late at night/early in the morning or I just dont have the will to get my lazy ass up. :P

I really wish my hair would grow out faster. It's getting there, but not fast enough! and I want to lose those last 10 pounds. and I want to have the will to only eat healthy foods. and I want to be able to drink and not feel quilty about it, or end up fat(ter), or end up having a bad reputation. drinking is fun, and it's my choice, so I want people to just let me get it out of my system. I need to let my wild side roam free for a while. I'm sick of being a good-girl.

*prepare for a rant of all the things I want out of life...and to hear some things you normally wouldn't*
I want to graduate high school already! I'm so over it. I want college to be exactly the way I want it to be, I want to find my dream guy(artsy, dark brown hair, dark green eyes, tall, skinny but muscley, can hold an inteligent convorsation, can easily make me laugh, loves me for me and all my faults/oddities, and will be there at the end of the day to spoon with) at said college, I want to love my majors, I want everything to be just the way I want it to be. I want to hook up with my boyfriend and then dump him because dating him is causing me too much stress but I'm a little too horny for my own good at the moment. I want to find a better boyfriend. I want to go back to that saturday night with my best guy friend and let him love me. I want to live in a starbucks-like loft, complete with coffee whenever I want it, served by a hot waiter guy. I want to write. I want to take pictures of everything, all day everyday. I want to get everything I want, when I want it. I want to be a bitch just because I feel like it and not have anyone get mad at me. I want to have a good job that I enjoy. I want to go to New York City, London, and Paris. I want to get 100s in everything. I want everything to be amazing and awe-inspiring.
Is that too much to ask? Yes, it is.

Wonderlands of All Sorts

2009-12-16T16:28:00.000-08:00

Today was a winder wonderland here in upstate New York! I couldn't have loved it more. Today was the first big snow we've gotten, and snow is my favorite and my best, so I was thrilled to wake up to it. :D And as I type my parents are putting the lights on our Christmas tree...the holes in the tree make it look like the Grinch x] its making me very happy ! hehe

Christmas time really is the best...everything just feels so warm even though the weather is cold, you score some sweet presents, the food is spectacular, and family makes you feel loved. ♥♥♥♥

My Christmas List:
1) Gift cards for American Eagle Outfitters, Forever 21, H&M, iTunes, Starbucks, and Barnes & Noble <----not all from my parents of course, but from various relatives who can't think of anything else to get me that I would actually like
2) LOLA by Marc Jacobs <----smells sooooo good! :D
3) black converse low-tops
4) Julie & Julia on DVD
5) makeup from ULTA <---I love that they have a mix of normal and designer...I'm growing quite fond of Benefit eyeshadows :)

What's on your list for the holidays??

Another kind of Wonderland that I'm REALLY looking forward to is the new Tim Burton version of Alice in Wonderland. Have you seen the latest trailer? o_0 IT'S AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhh! haha I seriously cannot wait. Everything about it is so weird and fantastic. x]

Songs that I'm recently obsessed with: Swallowed in the Sea - Coldplay, Death and All His Friends - Coldplay, Strawberry Swing - Coldplay, Viva La Vida - Coldplay, Clocks - Coldplay, Need You Now - Lady Antebellum, Bad Romance - Lady Gaga, Sea of Love - Cat Power, Awake and Alive - Skillet

Everything

2009-12-06T14:31:00.000-08:00

Ahhh school, having a boyfriend, and just everything is stressing me out lately. I feel so overwhelmed that sometimes I literally have to step back and take a deep breath. I need to find a way to juggle school, my boyfriend, friends, and my needs all at once, and then I'll be happy.

Last weekend I took the whole Sunday afternoon to just sit and look at colleges. Yes, I'm only a sophmore but I really want to find a school that I love and will do well at so I figure the earlier I start looking the better. I want to major in English and minor in Studio Art (if thats at all possible) and I really want to stay in the northeast. Out of all the ones I researched, Bard College in Annandale-on-Hudson New York, Boston University in Boston, and Dartmouth in Hanover New Hampshire were my top 3. Anyone know anything about them? If so, let me know please! :D Now just to get my GPA up to a 92...89 just isn't cutting it for me.

In school the bright spot of my day is art class. I love creating things, listening to the people in my class talk, and my teacher is amazing. Our latest project that we finished was a kaleidascope of sorts with a color scheme. Mine was cool colors and I love how it came out so much that it's now hanging on my wall in my room (:

I have conformation class every Sunday morning :P I stuggle a lot with religion because honestly I dont think I believe it. So needless to say, waking up at 8 on a Sunday morning to listen to stuff I dont even believe in is pretty annoying. Not to mention that I dont agree with our teacher on ANYTHING. So just to make things at least a little entertaining I question everything and always state my opinion. Todays topic was marriage, so of course gay marriage came up. I have a lot of gay/bi friends, so the topic matters to me quite a lot. According to the teacher marriage is supposed to be between a man and a woman and being gay is a sin. I understand that marriage is special and the whole purpose of it is to produce children, and that traditionally you can only get kids out of a man and a woman. But nowadays, things are SO different! There are so many ways to have children that that's not really an excuse anymore for gays not being allowed to marry. I just think it's wrong to deny someone the basic rights that come along with marriage just because of who they love.

Last night I went to RocknBowl with my friends and it was so much fun! Ahh I love them ♥ they make all my stress go away and just let me be silly.

Thanksgiving, Drama, New Moon

2009-11-26T11:21:00.000-08:00

Wow I haven't posted in a really long time ! ): I miss you all (: ♥

Welll, today is Thanksgiving! I love this holiday; all the food is delicious, the Macy's parade is spectacular, and seeing my crazy family all in one place is always entertaining. Every year we go to my aunt's house and play cards and catch up until dinner is ready. My mom isn't the best of cooks, so when my aunts cook its a real treat (: the turkey and ham are always delicious, the mashed potatoes and stuffing(my fav) are to die for, and the deserts are unspeakably yummy. Mmmm, I love food! What are some of your families Thanksgiving day traditions???

Last weekend was my high school's production of The Sting(some of you may know the movie...I personally haven't seen it yet, but I hear it's a classic). I played Mrs. Lombard, and I'm not sure if she was in the movie or not :/ But I loved playing her! She's quite rich, wears a fur shawl(I wanted to keep it soooooo bad!), and is a snob. My scene was in a train compartment, playing poker. Getting in and out of the compartment was something, but it was worth it. That was in act 1...in act 2 I played an extra, which was fun because we got to freeze and then unfreeze in a lot of scenes. This was my first time acting, and I absolutely loved it! All the long nights rehersing was worth it for those moments onstage. I can't wait for the spring musical! :D
As Mrs. Lombard:

As an extra:

at rehersals x]:

Because of drama, I've been falling behind on a lot of things, such as blogging and reading my magazines! Homework and the boyfriend come before either, of course, but I really have missed them both. Now that drama's done for a while, I'll be posting more like I used to (:

Ahhh yesterday I saw New Moon with two of my best friends. The movie was ah-mazing! It followed the book really well and it helped that all the wolves walk around shirtless for most of the movie. Jacob and Edward will always be my favorites though. ♥ Edward is sooo gorgeous that I could just stare at him all day. And Jacob's hair...I love it long! Usually I dont like long hair on guys AT ALL, but on him it just looks so sexy and I just want to run my fingers through it lol. I can't wait to see it again :D

<3

2009-11-11T13:30:00.000-08:00

I have my very first boyfriend, as of Sunday night(November 8th). :D :D I've known him for about a year, and we started talking like we wanted to date this past summer. The only reason it took so long for us to make it official/exclusive is because A) He's 19, I'm 15...a little bit of an age difference, but I decided that if adults can do it, so can I. B) A few weeks after we started really 'talking', he up and moved to Florida!(He had a really good reason, and it's really complicated). It's so hard everyday to not be able to see him, but we literally talk 24/7(when we're not sleeping of course) and I talk to him on the phone every night before I go to bed. C) He's black. He's origannly from the island of St.Lucia, which is near the Bahammas. My dad has already warned me that if I ever brought home a black guy to just not even bother coming home, so needless to say, neither of my parents know that I'm dating him. I'm going to tell my mom eventually, or hopefully she'll just figure it out on her own, but my dad will never ever find out. So I had to take that into consideration...but I think my boyfriend is so worth the risk. D) We're both really really picky as to who we want to date, so we had this back and forth thing of sort of testing each other...obviously we both passed (: I haven't been this happy in a really long time. I'm hoping that we'll last for a while (: And he's coming to visit for Christmas/New Years, and I get to spend the whole time with him. I literally cannot wait!! Ahhhh, yay (:

I dont have any pics of him on my computer, so I can't show you what he looks like :P He's really cute and has an amazing body, so :D you should be sad that you can't see him lol. But looks aren't everything; he's the nicest guy I've ever known. He takes everything into consideration regarding my parents and our age(in New York, it's illegal to have sex with someone under the age of 16) and we already decided that we're not going to have sex until I'm 18(idk how well thats going to work out, but at least he's already stated that he doesnt want to force me into anything). He's not only beyond sweet to me, but to everyone else he knows/encounters. He's one of those guys that would do anything for anyone.

♥♥♥♥♥♥

Swine! Snow White! Ahhhhh!

2009-10-28T14:11:00.000-07:00

Ahhhhhhhh :( :( :( I HAVE THE DREADED SWINE FLU(or H1N1, if you want to be technical.)

But I'm ok, actually. It's pretty much exactly like the regular flu, except around two months early and shouldn't last for more than a week or so. I came down with it Sunday morning(at a friends house, of course. xP) and it is now late Wednesday afternoon, so I should be good in a few days. Let's hope so, anyway. I really really want to be able to go to school at least on Friday, if not tomarrow.

hahaha this made me laugh x]

As most of you hopefully know Saturday is Halloween! I'm so excited :D I'm being sexy Snow White (: My good friend Liz is having a party at her local Y and it's zombie-themed x] I'm excited. The only thing is that she could only rent a room from 6-9, and 9 isnt late for a Saturday night but after 9 people wont give you candy ): so no trick or treating for me this year. But her party should more than make up for that.

Expect pictures (: lots of them