Saturday, December 17, 2011

sooooo bored, but I don't feel like sleeping or doing anything of real importance.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

something better will come along.
and besides,
I'm going to be in college a year from now.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

I think that was the closest thing to closure that I'm going to get.
I think you were honest. I really want to believe that you were honest. And I do believe it. I could hear it in your voice.
Your sweet, deep, perfect voice that I'm going to miss hearing more than anything else.
The voice that made any of my days better. The voice that told me I was perfect for you, that you loved me.
The voice that told me you loved me after you took my virginity. That piece of me that meant so much, that I was saving for the perfect one. I'm happy it rests with you.
That moment really was all I could have ever asked for. Everything happens for a reason, and it was supposed to be you. It felt so right, and it still does.
So thank you, I'm sorry you feel the way you do, and I wish you all the best.


He no longer has feelings for me.
Which makes me question if there were any real feelings to begin with. Was it all just bullshit? What was the point of it, if thats what it was?
I think that he's gone back to her.
But who knows.
I just need closure or its going to take me a very long time to truly get over this.
I will be fine no matter what, and I'll mostly get over it. But until I hear from him the real reason behind it all, it will always be in the back of my mind.

Monday, December 12, 2011


No longer upset with him, now I just hate myself. Why did I have to freak out and worry and make myself look like a fool/crazy obsessive bitch?
Now everything is going to be messed up.
I just want to see him over break. I hope he wants to see me too......

Sunday, December 11, 2011

I hate this

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
All of this is my fault.
Why do I do this to myself?
I'm miserable.

these are my insecurities in full bloom.

How could I not be upset?
You kind of disappeared on me, yet expected me to be fine with it.
I'm sorry, but no, I am not fine with it.
Yes, I understand how ridiculously busy you are and how stressed out you are. Yes, I understand that you've got your own issues. Yes, I understand that you're not leaving me.
But no, I do not understand how you have time to update Facebook but don't have time to text me a simple hello. A hello is all I'm looking for. But now you've stopped with the cute names, haven't said 'I love you', and have said little more than a few sentences to me in the past two weeks. All of this after everything that happened that night.
You cannot expect me to take this lightly, and if you do, I have a problem with that. However, I think its more that you just don't understand my point of view. Or maybe you do? I don't know anything anymore.
All I know is that I've never felt like this before. My thoughts have never been completely consumed with just one person's name before. I've never been so determined to keep someone in my life. There is only one other person in my life that I love everything about, and being compared to them is saying something.
I need to find the words so that I can explain myself, and I need you to give me the time.