Wednesday, December 29, 2010

hmph. what now?

Have you ever wanted something happen for a really long time, but then when it finally does happen, you wish that it hadn't? It didn't go at all how you expected, you didn't really enjoy it as much as you thought you would, and its just a big mess now?

Well. That happened to me. Of course. FUCK EVERYTHING.
Well. Not really. I think its kind of funny that it happened the way it did.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas (:
I got everything I wanted, and my family wasn't unbearably annoying. I think today was successful.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas Eve

Church makes me emotional, which is why I dont like going. It brings tears to my eyes that I cant explain. Strangely, though, I feel bad if I dont go on Christmas Eve and Easter. So tonight I got all dolled up and went to mass. Ergh. Glad I dont have to do that again until March..or April? whatever. A couple of months.

I'm so excited for tomorrow :D ...sort of. I just want my presents, but I dont want to spend time with my cousin and his son; they're annoying as fuck. Sorry, but this is my blog so I can say how I really feel. I wish I could just get my presents, give my parents their presents, and then just be done. I could do without all the eating, it just makes me feel fat.

Tuesday I have to go have Christmas with my unrelated family. I feel like they think I'm a spoiled bitch, so I dont like being around them either. We have nothing in common, nothing to talk about, and its just awkward while we're sitting there silently judging each other. I just like being with my 'grandma'; she's the sweetest, most adorable old lady, who I know truly loves me and my mom.

I feel like I should be watching a Christmas movie or something. Maybe I'll go do that, then wrap the gifts.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


I slightly miss being your friend, but I really dont miss all the drama, hurt feelings, and overall nonsense. Blah. Why do you have to miss me? Why do you have to talk to me? and make me miss how things once were? Why can't you just let it be? You move on and I move on. Why cant it be as simple as that? wahhhhhhhh.

On a lighter note, 4 days til Christmas :D

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


Now I'm excited for christmas, and break. I'm so sick of school. blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Monday, December 13, 2010

blech. blah. ergh. roar.

I hate being miserable for no reason. Not knowing why I'm constantly unhappy is considerably annoying, adding to my unpleasantness. Blech. Blah. Ergh. Roar.

I'm not even feeling very Christmassy either, which is kind of sad. I think it has to do with our lack of a proper tree. We have a decorated fruit tree, but its not the same as having a real Christmas tree that we've gone into the woods and cut down. My parents are getting on in years and my dads been sick, so getting and taking care of a tree really wouldn't work out.
Being practical sucks.

I just want to leave this place; Go to Italy and come back a little happier.

Saturday, November 27, 2010


my life is quite entertaining. I enjoy living it

Thursday, November 25, 2010

turkey day :D

So today is Thanksgiving, the day everyone eats far past their stomach's capacity and everyone thinks about what they're thankful for.

Sunday, November 21, 2010


what the hell are you gonna do when I go to college?
my mother needs to worry less or she's going to give herself a heart attack.

Having Karli and Spencer come to my play made me realize how much I miss and love them. Seeing their faces made me so happy that it was kind of ridiculous <3

maybe tomorrow I'll fight the urge to wear sweatpants and wear a dress?

Saturday, November 20, 2010


Saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 1 at midnight (: (: (: it is by far the best movie yet. ahhhh (: I can't wait to see it again. and again. and again?

everything is pretty good. I have nothing to complain about for once. sweeet.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

let it go, this too shall pass.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


well thats annoying. and who the hell does that? what? well at least I got some good candy. This year's Halloween was quite interesting. I dont feel like typing it all out for you, I'm sorry.


I cannot wait. Omfg. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (:

Friday, October 29, 2010

bonjourrr (:

yayyy Halloween! it is officially time to be fat for the winter.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


(: this bitch is seeing OK Go a week from today. heck yessssssssssssss

Friday, October 15, 2010

recognizing defeat.

I'm dropping AP U.S. History. I've failed the two tests we've had with a 63 and a 49, the workload is overwhelming, and its just not worth it. I don't want to be crazy and on the verge of tears everytime I look at a text book.
But quitting sucks. I feel like a complete failure. I wanted to take that class soooo bad. I know I could do it, but when I open up the book to start working I just don't want to. I guess thats a sign that I shouldn't? Yes, I think so.
So, alas, I move down to regular U.S. History where I will maintain my normal average of low 90s and become considerably less stressed. AND! I'll be able to take Health this year with claire, carley, AND rachel (: yay.

after all of this I'm in serious need of some Harry Potter time. those books make my brain feel better

Monday, October 11, 2010


Saturday went sooo well (:
and tomorrow I'm seeing Skillet :D so fucking excited.
the only downfall to this 4 day weekend is that I have a cold ):

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

wellll that was cool?
hahah its whatever.

I hate school work. I have eight essays due in three days. awesomeeeeeee.

I'm excited for this weekend. I think I might possibly have another double date? Hopefully this one goes better. But I have a feeling double dates never go well so they're pretty pointless. Oh well. At least on I have a good chance of going to a crazy black light and vodka driven party :D

Saturday, September 25, 2010

well now that's over...

I'm over him. I see him and just miss being friends with him. That's all.

But now I'm confused by someone new. and someone old. Why is what your saying so hard to figure out? How do I know I can trust? Will I ever know the real motive? I wish I could. But maybe I don't want to. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss.
but he's just so fricken cute.

Monday, September 20, 2010

yessssssssssss :D

I did better than I expected on my very first AP history test. There were 40 questions and I got 15 wrong. Yes, its a failing grade, but most people fail the first test. Yes, even the 'smart' kids. I was pretty happy with myself. But I'm going to do better next time. I just want to keep getting better and better. That probably wont happen, but still, there's always hope. Right?

My English class is making me realize that I am a terrible essay writer. I need to just stick to creative writing. I just don't understand how I can be so bad at one and so good at the other. It doesn't make sense to me at all :P

I wish I had time to read books other than the AP text book. I could really go for some Harry Potter at the moment. AH! speaking of Harry Potter! I'm wearing a Hogwarts hoodie today :D it makes me happy

Friday, September 17, 2010


cast list came out this morning for drama. my character kisses his.
not at all.

but it slightly is...ish?

eh. I don't even know how I feel about it, other than I have wanted to puke ever since I found out.
I still want to puke.
what if I puke right when we have to kiss? that would suck. for both of us.

I've already hurt the poor kid once, so I can't back out of this too. But I so wish I could.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Right now I should be doing an essay for AP history. But I just don't feel like it. I read the chapter I was supposed to, I think that's enough for today.

I have a headache. and cramps. and a staring problem. I can't stop myself from staring at him. He died his hair and I kind of love it, even though I make fun of it. To cover up the fact that I love it. and him. but he's just too weird. but he's not. uhhhhhhhgh.

and I'm sick of listening to other people who don't listen to me.

I got an 82 on my summer reading essay for english and cried. I hate PMS. it makes me crazy. as you can tell from reading this. it makes no sense. I make no sense.

I just need someone to listen to me other than my mother.

Thursday, September 9, 2010


AP U.S. History will be the death of me. Over the past couple of days my teacher has been telling us all of the time restrictions, reading, and writing we'll have to put up with this year and its so overwhelming. Basically I'm going to be teaching myself everything. Awesome. I'm feeling a bit like Hermione Granger. I need a time turner to give myself more time to do it all. And to sleep. It's only been three days and I'm already exhausted.

On the bright side, I love my English teacher and what we're supposed to be doing this year. From most people I've heard that she's the best teacher in the school, so I'm pretty excited for her class every day. I have it last period so it gives me something to look forward to.

I have no classes with my two best friends ): it makes me really sad.

Saturday, September 4, 2010


I start my junior year of highschool this upcoming Tuesday. fml.

Monday, August 30, 2010


Last night my best friend and I were supposed to go to a Justin Bieber concert at the state fair. But, of course, he's sick! So it got rescheduled to next Wednesday. That day I was supposed to go see a free show by Lady Antebellum, but the Justin Bieber concert is now at the same time. I'm so mad! Uhh! WTF! This would happen to me :P on a funnier side, Bieber caught his own fever x)

This week is going to be so busy, which sucks seeing as its my last week of summer vacation. I have to dogsit for most of the week, I have a dentist appointment, an eye appointment, I have to get my passport picture taken, I have my cousins wedding (rehersal, ceremony, and reception), and I have to finish a chapter (30 pages and 6 questions) of AP U.S. History and write a critical lens essay for Pride and Prejudice. sounds like so much fun, right? no. not at all.
I don't want junior year to start, its going to be hell.

Monday, August 23, 2010

So yesterday I got my ear pierced (:
It's in a really random spot but I like it. I'm just slightly afraid that I either will look like a pirate or an elf. Or just stupid because I have a random spot on my ear pierced. At least my best friend got the same spot pierced on her ear. We'll either look cute or weird together! and thats what its all about, right?

Saturday, August 21, 2010


Summer exhausts me, but in the best way possible. My sleeping schedule is completely fucked up and I am perfectly OK with that, mainly because its so worth it.
I love staying up late with my best friend. We can talk about nothing for hours and easily be entertained. That might possibly be a sign that we're rather dumb, but whatever; I dont care.

I now understand why Cologne by Ben Folds is called Cologne. Thanks Claire (:

Darwin Deez♥ his music makes me want to dance. I can't say that about a lot, seeing as I hate dancing

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Urban Outfitters

Today my mom and I got up bright and early to be one of the first to enter the new Urban Outfitters store downtown :D It was three floors of amazingness!
The first floor consists of womens clothes, bags, jewelry, and shoes; the second floor is mens clothes, backpacks, headphones, cameras, books on topics you wouldn't expect (think farts, rude parking signs, hipsters, and sex), and little trinkets that you can't find many other places (think a whole wall of mustache memorabilia, key coats in the shape of owls, and robot band-aids); the third floor was where they had a little niche for things on sale, houseware (think faux tree branches, paintings, journals, rugs, blankets, pillows, beanbagchairs, and books about cupcakes), shoes, and the fitting rooms. I think they were really clever about putting the fitting rooms on the third floor because to get to them you had to walk past all their other merchandise and in the end you cant resist picking up a few things on the way! I was very impressed. And in this one, opposed to the one I've been to in New York City, the music wasn't as loud and therefore you could hear yourself think and you didn't walk away with a headache.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

back in the day...

Back in the day this was me (: I was in 5th grade here and yes, I was a cheerleader. Not a very good one, but man did I try. I remember it being the coolest thing. Putting on that uniform was a rite of passage to being "cool". The only thing was that once I was old enough to join the team, all the "cool" people had already graduated and those that were left were just like me; not very good, a little chubby, and pretty lazy. But everyone on the team were best friends, so it was OK. And my mom was the coach so I didn't have to do much of anything (: hehe.

I found this picture and a bunch of other ones from elementary school when my mom brought home from work a disc of all the pictures she had stored on her computer there. They brought back a lot of memories, all of them good. I miss my friends from back then. Granted, I'm still best friends with my best friend from kindergarten, but I had other good friends too. Now we've all gone our separate ways and when we meet its just awkward. and sad.

Monday, August 16, 2010


I just love people.
The way they get totally sidetracked.
It's a flaw that is universal, yet never any less irksome.

Let me just say one thing, though.

Fuck you.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

For the rest of the summer and for the next school year I am promising myself that I will make an effort to look good every single day. I will do something with my hair, have a pretty outfit, and (reasonably) perfect makeup.
By doing this for myself I'm hoping that it might just make me feel a little better. What with the upcoming classes and extraciriculars that I'll be taking I'm going to be feeling pretty run-down all the time. If I have a good appearance on the outside, I'm thinking that it'll make the inside a little happier.

Urban Outfitters is opening a store in my city on August 19th! It opens at 10 and I'll be waiting outside at 9:30. I'll have my mom's credit card handy, ready to spend far too much money on clothes that I don't really need. It's going to be great!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

life's a beach?

I'm very proud of myself, I went to the beach two days in a row and didn't get burned! Woooo! :D When I'm by myself I actually look a little tan...ish.

Tonight I'm going to a show at some little coffee house and I'm kind of excited. Not so much for the music, but for the coffee. I've been feeling very bored ALL THE TIME, so a little kick from some well-made coffee would be nice.

Has anyone else ever watched jpmetz on youtube???? she pretty much makes everyfrigginday better. :D

But underneath all of this, I'm sad. and I don't even know how to explain why.

Friday, August 6, 2010


Being the huge Harry Potter nerd that I am, I regularly go on the site to get my Potter fix. Today when I went on, what do a I see but a picture of Emma Watson, the actress who plays Hermione Granger, sporting a new pixie haircut! :O
I'm amazed! I'm surprised! I'm impressed!
It's not something I ever thought she would do, but I have to say that I like it a lot. I think you have to have the right face for a pixie cut, and she has it.

However, if I had to pick between her old hair and her new hair, I would go with the old. But thats only because I could never imagine Hermione with a pixie cut x)

Thursday, August 5, 2010


I love when it rains. If I'm home alone I'll mute the TV or anything else that's making noise and listen to it pound on the roof. I'll close my eyes and forget everything else and feel a complete calm wash over me. The sound is at its best when its pouring out. If the rain drops aren't too big or if its really hot outside I'll go stand in it. The cool drops falling on my face and arms feels so wonderfully cold that I could stand there in that moment forever.
I did that today.

I'm glad people can't see my house or most of my driveway from the road in the summer or people driving by would probably think I'm a lunatic. I stand in the rain with my arms and face turned towards the sky, I take pictures of my garden, I pose with lawnchairs, and I appear to be cursing the heavens. When I have an urge to do something, I don't ignore it.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

whaaaat? :O

Tonight my friend and I went to go see Inception. In her words, it left me feeling mindfucked. It was crazy! Most of the time I didn't know what was going on but at the same time I didn't really care. I liked it.

did you know how fun those little kid mall cart things could be? Neither did I until tonight :D

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

time machine please?

I really want to go back to the Harry Potter theme park ): I'm looking at pictures from my trip and I miss it. I was there a month ago exactly ): I can't believe its been that long already! It sort of feels like just yesterday...

I also would like to go back in time to the moment when I decided that I wanted to go to Italy instead of Germany with my school. One of my bestfriends is on the Germany trip right now and its making me want to be there soooo badly. But hopefully Italy will be just as amazing. But some aspects of it wont be, only because I'm only friends with a few people who are going. Oh well! Everything I'll be seeing in Italy will be better, I at least have confidence in that.

On my agenda for today is maybe fiddling with my new tripod? If I can get my lazy butt outside I plan on taking some pictures with it! wish me luck on getting up the energy! hahaa :P

Then later tonight my mom and I are going dress shopping. My cousin is getting married at the beginning of September and I'm going to do a reading during the ceremony so I need to find the perfect dress! such pressure! I haven't got a clue what to wear, but hopefully I'll find something suitable.
Hot Topic has also just released a new Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows shirt which sports Harry's picture with the label 'Undesirable No.1' and imma gonna get it! :D
^look at it!

Friday, July 30, 2010


Going to an all day concert festival tomorrow and I am beyond excited :D the lineup is A Wake, Nine Round, Honor Bright, Hail the Villain, New Politics, Crash Kings, Smile Empty Soul, ADTR, Halestorm, All That Remains, Ed K, Hollywood Undead, Avenged Sevenfold, Flyleaf, and Limp Bizkit.
I'm most excited about seeing Crash Kings, they're so fucking amazing! ah! :D

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


I could listen to Kate Nash all day. In fact, I think I will.
Her lyrics speak to me. Its like she's talking to me through her songs and it makes me feel connected and like someone else thinks the way I do. It's a nice feeling.
I just listened to Don't You Want to Share the Guilt and its one of my favorites. My favorite quote from it is "Sometimes when I'm at a really noisy train station One of the ones with the big, fat trains like Kings Cross I feel like putting down my bags and shouting things out Because I've got something to say"

Some of my other favorites are Take Me to A Higher Plane, Mansion Song, Foundations, Birds, Merry Happy, Pickpocket, Caroline's a Victim, We Get On, Pumpkin Soup, and Kiss that Grrrl. Yes I know I have a lot (:

Monday, July 26, 2010

ahhhhhh :P
summer is so boring but so great at the same time.
I keep going to bed and waking up late. I liked it at first but now I don't because I feel like when you wake up at noon your whole day is gone. I'm still in my pajammas as I write this at 3:30 in the afternoon. I feel disgusting. Ergh.

So last night I felt like a true fat ass when I found carmel all through my hair when I got home from my friends house. I had eaten a giant brownie covered in carmel and hot fudge. It was SO DELICIOUS. but I felt so fat. dear god. My unhealthy eating habits need to stop here. I'm determined to stay at or under my current weight.

aren't we the cutest? (: this is my best friend Karli. we've been best friends since kindergarten! :O
this picture was taken on one of our many walks around her neighborhood. I took it on my phone and it came out SO FRICKEN AWESOME! :D

taking pictures makes me happy. I want to start fiddling around with my new camera and tripod more often.

Friday, July 23, 2010

I love Harry Potter (: reading the books makes me genuinley happy, which I honestly cannot say about a lot of other things. Sadly. Oh well! I'll always have Harry Potter.

I really need a boyfriend. But then I want one that I actually like and who's reasonably attractive. I don't think its too much to ask. but whatever. I'm not too fussed about finding one.

So tomorrow (or technically later today) I'm going to a grad party and then going to my cousins house to get really drunk (: I'm excited. This sounds terrible and a lot of people are probably going to judge me but I love being drunk. When I'm sober I'm really shy and awkward but when I'm drunk I open up and don't feel awkward at all. Its just nice to not care what people think of you for a little bit. It's kind of an escape? Whatever you want to call it, I like it.

Monday, July 19, 2010

WTF?! haaaa. weird.

So yesterday was one of the weirdest days of my life. It started off pretty normal, I went to the Nationals car show at the local fair grounds with my parents and really good friend Spencer and we had a lot of fun. Those cars are amazing! I wish they made them just as cool now.
After we got dinner and went back to my house, me and Spencer decided to go up in the woods behind my house and wander for a while. There's around 12 acres up behind and around my house so it's fairly easy to get lost for a couple of hours, which of course we did, and in 90 degree weather. Luckily there's a stream that runs really close to my house and we ran into it eventually, but quite a ways up from my house. By this time we were hot and sweaty and the water in the stream was so appealingly cold. We stood there awkwardly for a few minutes deciding what to do. Did we want to take all our clothes off and go for a swim or just put our feet it? Did we want to go back to my house and sit in the air conditioning?
However, before I'd decided anything, Spencer was stripping off all his clothes and getting into the shallow water completely naked. Its not the first time I've seen it all out but it was just so bizarre, you know? Then he was just looking at me like "well?" I didn't know how to begin to respond to that! I was a little lost. But then I just said fuck it, I've known this kid my whole life, what's the big deal? I ended up taking off everything but my bra, sitting next to him in my stream on a bunch of rocks, surprisingly not caring that he could see everything. And he said he didn't care either. I think he might be a nudist one day. I have to say that it was actually kind of fun, but in the weirdest way possible. I'm glad that I have someone that I'm that comfortable around.
I think we sat in the water for around an hour, just sitting. We didn't say much, but it wasn't awkward. And I know you're all thinking "yeah ok, sure", but it really wasn't! I swear. Sometimes its nice to just sit with someone.

Then once it started getting dark we got out of the water and walked back to my house (fully clothed). Out of the woods it wasn't that dark, so we climbed up onto the roof of my garage and layed there, staring at the sky. We used to do that when we were little, too. We entertained ourselves by finding shapes in the clouds and agreeing that sitting naked in a stream was the weirdest thing we'd ever done, but that we wouldn't mind doing it again.

I like having these kinds of weird experiences because without them life would be so boring. Don't you think?

and please don't think I'm some weird nudist who walks around naked all the time. or that I'm a whore. we're best friends and always have been. I promise that I'm mostly normalish.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

just sleep

Today was my cousin's bridal shower and thankfully everyone had a lot of fun. I just didn't like that I had to wake up at 9 and help go get food :P I got lost in a giant grocery store! How does that happen?! I would manage to do that though haha oh well.
Everything was delicious. Especially the cake x) I love cake. So yummy.
Her friends were really cool too. One of them lives in Brooklyn and she was really interesting to talk to. She was one of those people that could find something to talk to with anyone and who was instantly your friend. I liked her. Then the rest of them were really loud and funny and really didn't give a shit what you thought about them. I love people like that.
Then the rest of my family is always entertaining. Mostly because they swear like truckers, chain smoke, are going deaf, and they love each other.
I love my cousin and her fiance. They're just the cutest thing because you can tell that they're in love.
Being around them all day made me a lot happier than I've been and I'm thankful for that. I need to stop being sad about stupid things that I can't take back. I need to just take a deep breath and go to sleep. I need to have a night where I sleep well. I haven't had one of those in a while.

Friday, July 16, 2010


So it was really cool seeing my ex-boyfriend at the beach yesterday. Not. God it was the most fucking awkward thing. Especially because we were in the water and you can't really walk fast when your in a lake. So I slowly made my way by him and awkwardly waved, hating my life in that moment. I would fucking see him. Funnily enough I'd been thinking about him the day before I saw him. Just thinking how much I hate myself for dating him, how stupid it was, seeing that I was never attracted to him. I just wanted a fucking boyfriend. Never again. Urgh. He is the stupidest mistake I've ever made. At least I learned from it. Is that the little bright spot in the mess that is him and I? I'm pretty sure it is.
Then later that day we were at the local field days (which I hate going to, but my friends live right down the street and they dragged me against my will) and I saw my old best friend from 7th grade, who hates me. It's pretty understandable why she hates me though. We won't get into how much of a bitch I am. Lets just say that I said some pretty mean things, but so did she. Whatever. She looks anorexic and her hair is too poofy for the rest of her. Her boyfriend also appears to have herpes on his mouth. I laughed. She gave me a dirty look (that I deserve). I feel bad for her. And I miss being friends with her because despite her creepy/oddness she's really cool.

Oh, then to top off my whole day when I showered that night I saw how burned my entire back and shoulders are. And the tip of my nose. I look like a mix of a lobster and Rudolph. cute right? no.

I know I'm just having a few days were I'm miserable. I know things will probably be a lot better next week. Hopefully even this weekend? My cousins bridal shower is tomorrow and then on Sunday I'm going to the Nationals with my parents and friend Spencer. We went last year and had a lot of fun so hopefully we will again. I tend to always have fun with Spencer though. Just because I have a sneeking suspicion that I secretly love him. ? idfk.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

its that time again!

Time for me to talk in circles again. It's 12:15 AM.
What shall I ramble about tonight?
Tonight I went to the mall with two of my good friends from school and it was great (: We laughed, tipped with sillybandz, and made general chaos (mostly in the form of dancing).
I love my friends. Well, most of them.

But then some days I really don't want to hang out with any of them. Is that weird? Sometimes they annoy the shit out of me or I just like being alone. When I'm alone I am free to zone out into my own little world, I don't have to pretend to care about whatever they're talking about, I can do whatever the fuck I feel like doing, and I can just be me. I don't really feel comfortable just being myself around most of my friends, which is kind of sad I guess. Honestly I'm only completely comfortable around three of my friends. Which to some may be a lot. Who knows. I don't. And I don't really care either. I've pretty much stopped caring about my friends petty dramas. I don't give a fuck about all the guys they talk to. I don't give a fuck about the stupid things they do. I don't give a fuck about their other friends. A lot of the times I just feel like telling them to shut up. I like being alone. I am a loner, and I am perfectly fine with that.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

whaaaa? hm. think about it.

What if gravity didn't exist?
I wouldn't want it to not exist completely, just because I'm scared of heights. And space doesn't have oxygen x(
But I suppose if your born into a world without it you wouldn't miss it. I think it'd be awesome, to an extent. After a while I'd probably get curious as to what it was like to stand on the ground. But then again right now I'm curious as to what it would be like to not have gravity. I'm talking in circles. I'm tired.

Summer bores me. It's far too hot to really do anything outdoors but indoors gets old after a while. There's only so many days that one can sit and watch TV or peek into others lives on facebook.

I need to get out.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Today I went to the wedding of the daughter of one of my mom's really good friends, and she also used to be my camp councelor way back in the day (her camp name was Blueberry). She's a lovely mix of hippie, good-natured, sarcastic, and sweet. Her new husband seemed very awkward and adorable, or in other words, perfect for her.
She was married on her mothers front steps here in our small little village and it was the perfect day for it. The sun was shining, there was a light breeze, it wasn't too hot, and all the flowers are in bloom. The only demise was that cars kept driving by, making it so that if you weren't standing right next to the minister you really couldn't hear what he was saying. But I guess that didn't matter, because Blueberry and her husband were the only ones that needed to.
What really made me love her new husband is that he walked down the aisle to the Star Wars theme song x) I'm not personally a big fan, but anyone who does that is fucking awesome in my book. Blueberry walked to 'What a Wonderful World' by Louis Armstrong, which was adorable. Then together they walked away to 'You and I' by Ingrid Michaelson, which happens to be one of my favorite songs.
The reception was actually really fun, considering I didn't really know anyone there apart from a few of my moms friends. The food was delicious, the favors were cute, and the newlyweds were happy. It was the perfect way to spend a summer afternoon (:

Thursday, July 8, 2010

your silhouette like some heavenly ghost...

I couldn't stand to be in that place
I was just about to leave, when I saw your face
You were laughing at me with your beautiful mouth
You said, 'You're looking miserable, do you want to get out?'

When you're only 18
And you got nothing to lose
And your living a dream
With the sand in your shoes
Falling in love is easy
It's easy to do

We fell in love with the windows rolled down
Chasing the sunset through another empty town
Your hair was a mess when you would dance on the coast
Your silhouette, like some heavenly ghost

When you're only 18
And you got nothing to lose
And your living a dream
With the sand in your shoes
Falling in love is easy
It's easy to do

Summer skies and warm colored sunsets
And a sunrise sneaking through my blinds
My demise, I just can't help it
It's suicide, looking in your pale blue eyes

Falling in love is easy to do
With the wind in your hair and the sand in your shoes
And though it may hurt to have your heart broken in two
That didn't stop me from falling for you

When you're dancing on the beach where the water meets your feet
And a cool ocean breeze is fighting the heat
Falling in love is easy
It's easy to do
It's easy to do
Oh I'm falling for you

Sand in Your Shoes by This Providence, the accoustic version, is currently my absolute favorite song. The lyrics just make me happy (: they represent how a good summer should be.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

:D yesssss.

The trip was very successful, I am happy to declare. My earplugs saved the day on the flights, the Harry Potter theme park was AMAZING, and the heat did not kill me (or my mother).

Why does everyone say that airports are such a hassle? At my local one we got through really quick and the Orlando one was just as fast! The whole experience wasn't bad at all! Both airports have good food, clean bathrooms, friendly staff, and airconditioning.
Speaking of airconditioning, I really don't know what I would have done without it. I'm sorry to everyone who loves Florida weather, but I personally despise it. It's hellish there! So humid and hot! Yuck! But then of course because karma is a bitch I come home to weather thats even worse x(

Flying is terrifying and amazing at the same time. Terrifying because I don't even know how the hell I'm staying up in the air and amazing because I'm staying up in the air and the views are spectacular.

Whoever built the Harry Potter theme park, let me just say that I love you. With all my heart. You constructed Hogwarts and Hogsmeade to perfection. It was like stepping through the screen and into the movies. ♥ I was in Harry Potter heaven. Words cannot describe how happy I was :D

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

hmmmmmm. yes.

Not so sad lately. I'm actually really excited for this weekend and my Harry Potter adventure. I'm going to see Hogwarts (and I don't even care that its not the real thing. close enough)!!!! I bought some new headphones that will go over my earplugs that will hopefully help with the air pressure. Lets cross our fingers, everyone together now. I hope you did for me (:
I have silly bandz. Please don't judge me. I like them. I wear a really fat cat and a seahorse, but I have a glow in the dark unicorn, a sparkly phoenix, a geenie, a glow in the dark mermaid, a sparkly dragon, and a bunch of other random ones. They make me feel like I'm 12 again, but in a good way? Who knows. Its summer. I really don't care.
I'm seeing the Harry Potter theme park in two days.... :D not going to get over this fact. YESSSSSSS ahhh haha I'm so excited.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

wooooooo! ...not.

I should be really really happy. It's finally summer, we're getting a new bathroom, and I'm going to the Harry Potter theme park. All in one week. But I am not happy, at all.
I'm the kind of person that loves being home, sleeping in her own bed, and using her own bathroom. But starting this coming Monday I can't do any of that ): I have to go and stay with a couple of my friends because I need to bathe and use a normal toilet (we only have one bathroom at my house). Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and they have very nice beds and bathrooms, but I'm going to miss mine very dearly. Then on Thursday I get on a plane and fly to Florida with my mom. I HATE FLYING! AND I'M SICK! My ears are going to hurt sooooo bad. This happened the last time I flew and it completely ruined my whole trip ): I really dont want that to happen again because I doubt I'll go to the Harry Potter theme park more than this one time. Uhh. ):

Friday, June 25, 2010


Dying your hair is never a good idea. Ever. I miss my natural hair color.
Although it bored me quite a bit at times, I wish I could get it back. I dyed it red mid-March (and loved it, but having roots was too annoying) and then this past weekend I tried to get back to my natural medium brown and ended up with a really dark brown that in some lights looks black. I'm far too pale for this dark hair and I hate it. It's really upsetting ): and then on top of all of this the texture of my hair will probably never be the same. It used to be silky and shiny all on its own and now its a tangled mess. Ergh.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

summer ♥

Summer vacation at last (:
I'm finally done with all my exams, all the stupid people, everything! I'm a junior now! :D woot!
the best part is that I did really well in everything.
Geometry: 83. this is actually really good for me seeing as I'm terrible at math.
Earth Science: 86. I AM SO SURPRISED! I am also very terrible at earth science.
German: 87. yessssssssssss :D
English: 95
Studio Art: 98

yay me!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

still overwhelmed.

I kind of feel like I'm suffocating under all this stress.
Exams have been all week and thats definitely taking its toll because I want to get at least a 90 in all of them. I'm lying to my parents so I can go with a few of my friends and see Paper Tongues and Civil Twilight in concert at a not-so-nice venue. I have to go to my ex-best friends graduation party and I dont even think she likes me anymore and therefor it shall be a very awkward day indeed.

On a lighter note, I'm going to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter theme park in Universal Studios at the beginning of July (: I'M SO FUCKING EXCITED! I love Harry Potter with every fiber of my being. Despite my fear of heights and roller coasters I'm going to go on every single ride and I'm going to pretend that I'm part of the world I love so dearly. It's going to be a great 5 days. The only drawback is that we're flying there. The last time I flew it felt like my eardrums were going to explode. I bought special earplugs that will hopefully avoid that though. Wish me luck (:

Monday, June 14, 2010


I just thought I'd let you know that I haven't dropped off the face of the Earth. I'm just so busy ALL the time. The last day of official school was last Friday, but all this week and Tuesday of next week I have finals/regents :P

I promise I'll tell you about all the exciting things in my life in my next post (: I need to vent/be excited.

Thursday, May 13, 2010


Sometimes I feel underappreciated. Sometimes I feel like I just want to leave and find a far away land where no one knows who I am. Sometimes I like to not wear pants. Sometimes I like to eat only chocolate. Sometimes I feel like crying for no reason in particular. Sometimes I feel really happy because of the littlest things, and its great. Sometimes I come up with the most brilliant ideas, but then when I try and act on them they just disappear and I feel like a fool. Sometimes those ideas work out. Sometimes I like to paint on bread. Sometimes I want to walk into my woods and explore them. Sometimes I get really scared. Sometimes I feel like no one really likes me. Sometimes I run out of things to say.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

I Feel the Need

I feel the need to start writing again, to start reading Harry Potter again, to start taking pictures again, and to lose 20 pounds by summer. I'm quite looking forward to doing all of these things. I think I'll feel much better about life in general if I do them. Not that there's anything wrong with my life now, its actually quite good. I just can't express myself the way I used to, I dont get that connection with things the way I used to, and I dont really feel the way I used to.
I sort of blame these things on Irvin. I wish he'd never stepped into my life, that he'd never spoken to me, and that I hadn't been stupid enough to just date the first nice guy that was interested in me. I think he's the biggest mistake of my life, and since I've broken up with him I've just become closed off (secretly) and not myself. I miss me. I need to come back, from wherever I've gone.

Friday, April 16, 2010


What does one do when the boy who asked them to prom is completely in love with them? But they don't like him as more than a really good friend? But possibly might like him like that if he dressed differently and got a better haircut? (And does that make them a bad person?)

I'm so confused.
But I'm excited for prom (: I'm going to look beautiful...I hope.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

I hate the feeling when you want something, but can't have it. Because then you just want it that much more. It pretty much sucks. Oh well. Life goes on!

On to New York City (:
I'm going there with my mom for my sweet 16 in May and am beyond excited. We've already booked our rooms (we're staying at the Affina, which is right across the street from Penn Station.) We're getting the train tickets Friday. How New York is that? Taking the train to the city. I cannot wait (:

On the getting a new camera (:
I probably wont decide what kind I'm getting until I'm looking at it in person, but I know that I'm either getting a Nikon or another Canon. Yayyy (:

and now on to rehersal (:

Thursday, March 18, 2010

): R.I.P. camera. I will miss you ):

Soooooo, guess who dropped their camera and broke the screen today? I did! Go me! I'M SO PISSED!!!!!! ergh. ): and of course, I wasn't supposed to be getting a new camera until Christmas. ): what am I going to do???

These are the last pictures that I took with my camera. Today started off as a really good day; I'm wearing one of my favorite dresses, it's an amazing 60 degrees out, some of our flowers are up, and I'm just generally happy. But on the way back into the house after shooting these, lazy me didn't feel like taking the camera off the top of the tri-pod and BOOM! it falls off and wrecks the screen. ):

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

New. Happy. (now put your hands up!)

I've broken up with Irvin. He was pretty much a sucky boyfriend, to be honest. I'm so glad that I ended it because literally the more I saw him the less I liked him. So now I'm free to be all aloney on my owney (:
I never realized how much I like being single. I don't have to worry about pleasing anyone, I can hang out with whoever I want/whenever, and I don't have to worry about my parents freaking out if they ever found out.
I'm so happy that I broke up with him that I frequently have the urge to start singing "All the Single Ladies" by Beyonce :D hahaaaaa.

-skips off into the sunset. all aloney on her owney. and loving it.-

Thursday, February 25, 2010

New York City. The City I Love and Belong In.

Last Monday I went to the great city of New York for the very first time. Hearing all the stories about it made me fall in love before setting eyes on it for myself, but when I actually did see it, I was even more madly in love. I feel like I belong there. I don't know how to explain it, it's just a feeling. And what an amazing feeling it is.

Seeing as the whole trip was a "theatre" trip, we didn't really do anything that you would think you would do on your first time in NYC. We didn't see the Statue of Liberty, go on the subway, take a taxi, go on Wall St., or see the site of 9/11. But we did see 5th Ave, Times Square, Blue Man Group off Broadway, West Side Story on Broadway, the HighLine, pier 54, the MET, Central Park, Shakespeare in the Park, Chelsea Market, China Town (which I did not like, AT ALL.), the Meat-packing District, the Garment District, and we did lots of driving around and seeing all the neighborhoods. I wish that we'd seen most of the neighborhoods outside of the bus though.
All in all, it was a great trip that is actually kind of a blur. Pictures help though (: I took almost 800 in three days. Don't worry, I wont post them all...

the look on my face as I saw the skyline approaching

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Wicked Dieting

I've decided that I'm going on a diet. Not only do I want to look better, but I want to feel better and be more confident. The food that I usually eat (I eat a Quaker chewy granola bar for breakfast every morning, eat school pizza for lunch everyday, and usually have some sort of white pasta or chicken for dinner everynight) makes me feel really sluggish and gross, and I'm (literally) sick of it! I want to feel good on the inside and out! Now I just need to the willpower/willingness of my mom to buy the right food...

Whats been stopping me for so long about starting a diet and getting healthy is really not knowing what to eat. My idea of "healthy" is a an apple every once in a while and maybe some carrots thrown in with dinner. Not very healthy at all, I know. I really want to work on changing that an educating myself on whats best to eat. You're probably going to think its silly, but Glamour magazine has some really good tips on their website for healthy foods! I'm going to take their advice for every meal and snack. Over the past week I've made up a list of all the foods I think will be healthy, still taste good, and not be too overly expensive.

- Homemade oatmeal with cinnamon or instant oatmeal with apples and cinnamon
- A glass of orange(with vitamin C and D) or cranapple juice
- An apple or an orange

Lunches: (I'm going to start brining my own lunch)
- A turkey sandwich on whole grain bread with lettuce, a tomato slice, and mustard
- Garlic hummus on crackers
- Low sodium chicken noodle soup
- String cheese
- Strawberries, blueberries, and peaches

- Grilled, baked, or rotisery chicken
- Whole grain pasta (with whatever we would normally have with pasta)
- Scallop stirfry with lemon juice, veggies, and whole grain pasta
- Shrimp stirfry with lemon juice, veggies, and whole grain pasta

Snacks: (I usually have something small when I get home from school)
- Sliced apples with peanut butter
- A low fat granola bar
- Frozen yogurt
- Mixed nuts with sea salt
- Dark chocolate

I think all of this is do-able. Well, I hope so. I really want to stop feeling gross and start feeling and looking amazing! Wish me luck.


Tomorrow night I'm seeing the Broadway musical Wicked! I'M BEYOND EXCITED! :D The cast is touring the country and performing in cities and, yay!, they're coming to my city! I know a lot of people that have already gone to see it and they say that it's spectacular. :D ! expect lots of pictures (especially of my outfit!)

Have a good weekend loves (:

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Spring Fever

I'm in a winter slump. I've gotten to that point in the season when yes, the snow is somewhat pretty, but I wish it would just go away and be replaced by the sweet flowers and green grass of Spring. I want to be able to wear flowy skirts and fun dresses without tights, transition from dark-wash jeans into a lighter pair, put the Uggs back into their box and slip into a pair of strappy sandals, and have no fear when wearing shoes without a lot of tread on them.
The Spring trends are another thing I'm really looking forward to. Basic white tee's, cool floral prints, pastel hues, fun ruffles, and so much more! Ahhhh, I cannot wait! :D

Do you ever have those certain things that you just become obsessed with? Lately I've had several! Take for example...
1) Vampire Weekend. LOVE THEIR MUSIC! It's so fun, odd, cool, different! As I type this Cousins is playing (:

2) Rose Salve. Moisturizes, smells amazing, and is a pretty color.

3) Curly hair. I haven't quite figured out how to wield a curling iron yet, but I'm working on it...

4) Facebook. Yes, I have taken up facebook stalking all of my 'friends' lol don't judge me! I get REALLY bored sometimes.

5) Art. Art class is my favorite class of the day! I love creating, seeing what other people create, and having the freedom to make anything I want. Like drying out slices of bread, splatter painting them, and them gluing them to yellow foam board in an Andy Warhol-esque fashion. x]

Last night I went to see The Lovely Bones with my friend Carley. We got to the mall a few hours before the movie started so we tried on a few prom dresses in Lord & Taylor. hahhaha

I really liked this movie, even though it was sad (and made me cry a few times). I liked the tones of everything, the acting (loooooove Stanley Tucci and Saoirse Ronan), the cute guy that played Susie's love interest, and the fact that Susie used a film camera (: However, I didn't like how Mr. Harvey ended up dieing! Could have been wayyy better. Oh well, everything can't be perfect.

Friday, January 8, 2010

always one foot on the ground

I always have one foot on the ground. I never do anything all the way, I'm always too scared. Lately I've been doing A LOT of thinking and I've realized that my new years resolution is to do everything fully, to put my all into everything and to not be scared of what might or might not happen. What's your new years resolution or do you not make one? I'm hoping that I can keep this one up...

Not talking to Irivin 24/7 has given me a lot of time to go back to the way I used to be; very very very inverted, always thinking about something that has nothing to do with whats really going on. That's my way of escaping. I get lost in my own thoughts. Mainly I've been thinking of how pretty the snow is when it glitters in the sun, how I really want a new camera for my sweet 16 (along with my shopping trip to NYC), how with that camera I will start a 365 for my flickr, how beautiful everything thing is, that I really like odd names (Roman, Saoirse *pronounced SEER-sha*, Rowan, Lydia, Violet), that writing keeps me sane, and just a bunch of other completely random things.

I'm sick of winter. After Christmas it can just go away and spring can come out to play. But to my dismay, in upstate New York winter stays around til about the middle of March, maybe early April if we're really unlucky. :P I miss spring/summer clothes! I want to wear dresses without having to wear tights, I want to show off my pale/newly skinny legs! I want to stop having to wear my Uggs (yes, I have Uggs...I have the black pair and they are soooo warm and comfy so I dont really care that they're ugly as hell) everyday because the snow is way to deep to get away with just converse or flats.

I HAVE DISCOVERED A NEW BAND! :D Vampire Weekend! anyone heard of them??
I downloaded a couple of their songs and they are so good! I like how upbeat and fun they are...also the lyrics aren't too weird, but they still sort of are.
My favorites are Campus and Mansard Roof...go look them up! :D ♥