Sometimes...

Sometimes I feel underappreciated. Sometimes I feel like I just want to leave and find a far away land where no one knows who I am. Sometimes I like to not wear pants. Sometimes I like to eat only chocolate. Sometimes I feel like crying for no reason in particular. Sometimes I feel really happy because of the littlest things, and its great. Sometimes I come up with the most brilliant ideas, but then when I try and act on them they just disappear and I feel like a fool. Sometimes those ideas work out. Sometimes I like to paint on bread. Sometimes I want to walk into my woods and explore them. Sometimes I get really scared. Sometimes I feel like no one really likes me. Sometimes I run out of things to say.

I Feel the Need

I feel the need to start writing again, to start reading Harry Potter again, to start taking pictures again, and to lose 20 pounds by summer. I'm quite looking forward to doing all of these things. I think I'll feel much better about life in general if I do them. Not that there's anything wrong with my life now, its actually quite good. I just can't express myself the way I used to, I dont get that connection with things the way I used to, and I dont really feel the way I used to.
I sort of blame these things on Irvin. I wish he'd never stepped into my life, that he'd never spoken to me, and that I hadn't been stupid enough to just date the first nice guy that was interested in me. I think he's the biggest mistake of my life, and since I've broken up with him I've just become closed off (secretly) and not myself. I miss me. I need to come back, from wherever I've gone.

hmmmmmmmmm?

What does one do when the boy who asked them to prom is completely in love with them? But they don't like him as more than a really good friend? But possibly might like him like that if he dressed differently and got a better haircut? (And does that make them a bad person?)

I'm so confused.
But I'm excited for prom (: I'm going to look beautiful...I hope.

I hate the feeling when you want something, but can't have it. Because then you just want it that much more. It pretty much sucks. Oh well. Life goes on!

On to New York City (:
I'm going there with my mom for my sweet 16 in May and am beyond excited. We've already booked our rooms (we're staying at the Affina, which is right across the street from Penn Station.) We're getting the train tickets Friday. How New York is that? Taking the train to the city. I cannot wait (:

On the getting a new camera (:
I probably wont decide what kind I'm getting until I'm looking at it in person, but I know that I'm either getting a Nikon or another Canon. Yayyy (:

and now on to rehersal (:

): R.I.P. camera. I will miss you ):

Soooooo, guess who dropped their camera and broke the screen today? I did! Go me! I'M SO PISSED!!!!!! ergh. ): and of course, I wasn't supposed to be getting a new camera until Christmas. ): what am I going to do???

These are the last pictures that I took with my camera. Today started off as a really good day; I'm wearing one of my favorite dresses, it's an amazing 60 degrees out, some of our flowers are up, and I'm just generally happy. But on the way back into the house after shooting these, lazy me didn't feel like taking the camera off the top of the tri-pod and BOOM! it falls off and wrecks the screen. ):

New. Happy. (now put your hands up!)

I've broken up with Irvin. He was pretty much a sucky boyfriend, to be honest. I'm so glad that I ended it because literally the more I saw him the less I liked him. So now I'm free to be all aloney on my owney (:
I never realized how much I like being single. I don't have to worry about pleasing anyone, I can hang out with whoever I want/whenever, and I don't have to worry about my parents freaking out if they ever found out.
I'm so happy that I broke up with him that I frequently have the urge to start singing "All the Single Ladies" by Beyonce :D hahaaaaa.

-skips off into the sunset. all aloney on her owney. and loving it.-

New York City. The City I Love and Belong In.

Last Monday I went to the great city of New York for the very first time. Hearing all the stories about it made me fall in love before setting eyes on it for myself, but when I actually did see it, I was even more madly in love. I feel like I belong there. I don't know how to explain it, it's just a feeling. And what an amazing feeling it is.

Seeing as the whole trip was a "theatre" trip, we didn't really do anything that you would think you would do on your first time in NYC. We didn't see the Statue of Liberty, go on the subway, take a taxi, go on Wall St., or see the site of 9/11. But we did see 5th Ave, Times Square, Blue Man Group off Broadway, West Side Story on Broadway, the HighLine, pier 54, the MET, Central Park, Shakespeare in the Park, Chelsea Market, China Town (which I did not like, AT ALL.), the Meat-packing District, the Garment District, and we did lots of driving around and seeing all the neighborhoods. I wish that we'd seen most of the neighborhoods outside of the bus though.
All in all, it was a great trip that is actually kind of a blur. Pictures help though (: I took almost 800 in three days. Don't worry, I wont post them all...


the look on my face as I saw the skyline approaching